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Archive: Beetle Bailey

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She might need to eventually get even more “on the nose” and bop him on his actual nose

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Beetle Bailey, 11/10/21

Wow, is it up to me now to be the guardian of Beetle Bailey lore? I guess it is, so here’s my gripe: this is absolutely not a Zero gag. Zero’s gags are about being stupid and being a farm boy. This one might be good for Rocky (anti-authority), Killer (opportunity to dress “sexy” for the ladies), or even Beetle (general slovenliness). On the other hand, if Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC truly thinks only morons would want to have casual Friday in their workplace, that summons up the image of them all coming in to the office to churn out Hi and Lois in suits and ties, which is pretty funny in and of itself.

Mary Worth, 11/10/21

Hmm, I’m going to go ahead and declare Estelle’s choice of TSwift for her response song as “basic.” Could’ve been bolder, but, you know what, it’s appropriate, and with Wilbur you need to be as on the nose and direct as possible, so I’ll allow it.

Family Circus, 11/10/21

This is why you don’t let books with non-biblical worldviews inside the Keane Kompound. Look at that dinosaur’s sexy sneer! No storks are necessary here: that dinosaur definitely fucks.

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Mr. Beasely absolutely knows what he’s doing here

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Blondie, 10/7/21

This is a perfectly sweet little strip and I’m sorry but I can’t stop thinking about the fact that famous binge eater Dagwood Bumstead is making this proposal to his dog when she’s already chewing her treat. Now I’m just sitting here imagining the unseen fourth panel where he’s yelling “SPIT IT IN MY MOUTH, GIRL! SPIT IT IN DADDY’S MOUTH!”

Beetle Bailey, 10/7/21

OK, I know I said I had long ago dropped the Beetle/Sarge sex jokes, but you can’t deny that Sarge’s smile as he imagines himself haunting Beetle’s dreams is very erotically charged.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/7/21

Oh hey, remember how a shadowy cabal tried to pull former military badass Jordan back for one last job, but he turned them down? Well, good news! While the shadowy cabal is disappointed that they won’t get to team up with their good and talented friend Jordan, they respect his right to make his own life choices. I trust this is the last we’ll hear about the subject.

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Wilbur keeps meaning to Google “dogs what do they like” but keeps getting distracted

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Beetle Bailey, 10/4/21

I’m reasonably sure that if a soldier were running away from his commanding officer, who intended to brutally beat him, and was live-streaming the whole thing, that is the sort of thing that would go viral! Probably, uh, not in a fun way, though.

Mary Worth, 10/4/21

Wow, looks like Wilbur’s going to upgrade, lady-wise! When confronted with an ill-behaving pet, his ex was all like “Let’s talk about everybody’s feelings,” blah blah blah. But Carol offers sensible and concrete solutions, like “maybe don’t leave things out where your dog can chew on them” or “what do you mean you didn’t buy a chew toy for your dog, you utter dolt.” I think they’re gonna get along just fine!

Pluggers, 10/4/21

Everything else, though? Goes right into the landfill, even if it’s recyclable. Sometimes it doesn’t even make it into the trashcan. A lot of times pluggers just throw stuff out the window of their moving car!