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Mary Worth, 10/8/20

[Reads panel one] Well, Tommy, I think it’s admirable you’re moving forward into this difficult conversation by openly talking about your own feelings and being vulnerable about what the stakes here are are for you emotionally, and [gets to panel two] NOOO TOMMY NO ABORT ABORT ABORT

Mark Trail, 10/8/20

That’s right, you simpering fools! You dared cross Mark and now you understand your terrible mistake! Now you must shower him with apologies! Praise! Money! Only if he cracks a smile will you know that you have returned to his good graces! Keep trying! Try harder!

Beetle Bailey, 10/8/20

Looks like the troops from Camp Swampy are going to be deployed to Afghanistan! Not sure if this means that the Afghan peace process is going well or really, really badly.

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Beetle Bailey, 9/30/20

You’d think that General Halftrack, who has an extremely cushy job and despite his high military rank seems neither to have never been to war himself nor to have ever been burdened with the responsibility of sending others to fight, would sleep easily at night, or, for that matter, in the afternoon. Turns out nope! Turns out his mind is haunted by unimaginable horrors. That’s why he drinks so much, probably!

Slylock Fox, 9/30/20

For too long, the cartoon community has stigmatized people who live on tiny tropical islands as haggard castaways who yearn only to return to civilization — or, worse, are driven insane by their isolation. What about those who like the islet lifestyle, who have perfectly seaworthy rowboats at their disposal and yet still choose to embrace their exile from humanity and enjoy the benefits for an occasional cetacean shower? Finally, they have their own media representation!

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Mark Trail, 9/16/20

“When other people’s beloved pets die, I feel nothing … but now that my beloved pet might die, I’m feeling distress! Is it possible that other people have interior emotional states, like I do?” Yes, folks, Mark is finally learning how to experience empathy, but Cherry still has a long way to go. “But Mark, the awards ceremony! Winning this award will increase your status, and increase your status by an incrementally greater amount if you accept the award in person! Surely you won’t turn down this opportunity due to sadness? Remember, because you’re my spouse, your increased status increases my status as well!”

Beetle Bailey, 9/16/20

We’ve all heard the phrase “don’t top from the bottom,” but Beetle is going for a much higher degree of difficulty and is trying to bottom from the top.

Six Chix, 9/16/20

Good news! We’ve finally gotten a definitive answer as to whether or not Goofy is a dog! Bad news: he’s dead.