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Mary Worth, 10/21/21

You ever get a terrifying moment of clarity and insight into a situation that you wish you really knew no details about whatsoever? That was me, reading today’s Mary Worth, realizing that Wilbur is absolutely planning to follow up his first long, languorous tongue-kiss with Carol by shyly saying “See, we do both love ‘Frenchies,’ don’t we?” Just typing this makes me die inside, but I cannot expel this knowledge from my mind! Anyway, I want everyone to note that Carol looks like she’s about to shatter that glass in her hand in panel two.

Mark Trail, 10/21/21

Oh look, it’s our first corporate mastermind villain in nu-look Mark Trail! And he’s wearing a [squints] tuxedo? Lounging around his cliffside mansion/lair? Like you do? Presumably he’s taken off the jacket to better enjoy the cliffside breezes? I do enjoy the fact that his assistant must stay 10 feet away from him at all times, showing him important photos and documents on an iPad with its font size pumped all the way up so he can read it.

Blondie, 10/21/21

Big news, everyone! The team behind the longtime syndicated newspaper strip Blondie has finally learned about QR codes! Tune in here for further developments, like whether or not they ever figure out they’re called “QR codes.”

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Blondie, 10/11/21

Is it just me, or does Lou look a little downbeat in that last panel? “I thought he’d say that,” he’s thinking to himself. “But a guy can hope, can’t he? Would it have killed him to give me a little specific feedback on the historical accuracy of my Columbus Day special? Or maybe just praise my creativity and craftsmanship? But no, he’s just going to start shoveling food down his gullet, just like every other time he comes here. I might as well just set out a trough.”

Lockhorns, 10/11/12

Gotta respect the way the Lockhorns keep their marriage fresh by constantly coming up with new extremely petty bullshit to criticize each other over. At first I thought that stick of butter meant Leroy is doing the “bulletproof coffee” thing, though I guess that’s for his … single tiny pancake? very flat English muffin? bread disk? Whatever, I’m sure Loretta has something to say about that too.

Mark Trail, 10/11/12

I thought maybe this forest fire bit was a callback to some deep Mark Trail lore, but the last time there was a forest fire in this strip it involved some chump named Wes, so maybe not. Anyway, Mark, Cliff went and fought in a war since last you saw him, what have you done, huh????

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/11/12

TIRED: Jordan and Michelle’s wedding reception is ruined when the shadowy band of soldiers of fortune that Jordan used to run around with decide that he’s a potential liability who must be eliminated

WIRED: Jordan and Michelle’s wedding reception is ruined when Michelle’s dad meets Buck and the two of them just absolutely will not shut the fuck up about roots country legend Truck Tyler

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Blondie, 10/7/21

This is a perfectly sweet little strip and I’m sorry but I can’t stop thinking about the fact that famous binge eater Dagwood Bumstead is making this proposal to his dog when she’s already chewing her treat. Now I’m just sitting here imagining the unseen fourth panel where he’s yelling “SPIT IT IN MY MOUTH, GIRL! SPIT IT IN DADDY’S MOUTH!”

Beetle Bailey, 10/7/21

OK, I know I said I had long ago dropped the Beetle/Sarge sex jokes, but you can’t deny that Sarge’s smile as he imagines himself haunting Beetle’s dreams is very erotically charged.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/7/21

Oh hey, remember how a shadowy cabal tried to pull former military badass Jordan back for one last job, but he turned them down? Well, good news! While the shadowy cabal is disappointed that they won’t get to team up with their good and talented friend Jordan, they respect his right to make his own life choices. I trust this is the last we’ll hear about the subject.