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Mark Trail, 5/5/18

Is it just me or has this “Rusty woos a young lady” plotline suddenly transformed Mark’s ward from his usual form as a hideous boy-thing into a handsome lad with piercing blue eyes? We all know that we can’t just change our appearance at a whim, that would be absurd, so I have to assume that we’re seeing Rusty’s own mental image of himself at this precise moment, influenced by some combination of close proximity to a girl who isn’t visibly recoiling from him in horror and the lower oxygen levels at high altitude.

Mary Worth, 5/5/18

Good lord! Wilbur’s so far gone that he’s failed to adequately oil up his combover, leaving it to blow willy-nilly in the ocean breeze! Just give him a firm shove over the cliff, Mary; if he were in his right mind, he would much prefer death to a life like … this.

Crankshaft, 5/5/18

Crankshaft dropped so many pills under the fridge that he brought in the cops and a drug-sniffing dog to find them, ha ha! In other news, Centerville has a serious drug problem in its high school.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/5/18

“Baby rabies” is the kind of rabies you get when you’re bitten by a rabid baby. It’s the worst kind of rabies there is and as a medical professional Rex should not be joking about it!

Family Circus, 5/5/18

Aww, isn’t that cute! The car is Jeffy’s cloth mother!

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Crankshaft, 4/30/18

Man, Crankshaft sure drops a lot of pills, doesn’t he? Remember when he had to beg the doctor for more pills, because he keeps dropping them? I don’t know his specific medical situation, but I’m assuming he needs those pills to live, right. And he keeps dropping them. I think you see what I’m getting at, wink wink, nudge nudge (it’s Crankshaft dying of some preventable disease because he kept dropping pills, and nobody being sad because he’s a mean old jerk who everybody dislikes).

Six Chix, 4/30/18

I’ve got a lot swirling around my mind looking at this panel — like, what’s a robot’s “family”? is this supposed to be in a bar or a kitchen in someone’s house? since circuit boards are what robot brains are made of, is this cannibalism, or just the equivalent of eating meat, assuming the boards’ specs are lower than the ones inside the robot? — but I can’t get past the idea of the robot eating. Like, eating? Putting a circuit board in its mouth-slot and … eating it? Nah. Not working for me. Sorry, Six Chix, I’m gonna pass on this one.

The Phantom, 4/30/18

I know I normally don’t “get political” on this website, but I know that some of my followers are keenly interested in depictions of young, ripped, mustachioed Mitt Romney engaging in some recreational breath play, and who am I to fail to bring them the good news?

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Gil Thorp, 4/12/18

Hey, guys, remember Aaron Aagard, the hero of last year’s basketball season storyline, who was inconsistent not because he was on drugs but because his mom was, and then he ended up living in a teammate’s basement? Well, he’s playing on the team again this year, it seems. I guess we’ll never know the details, since all media coverage of the Mudlarks has now ceased, which should hopefully break the spell the various high school teams have over Milford in short order and everyone else will get hobbies and Coach Thorp’s budget will get reassigned to the music department and Coach Kaz will have to mortgage his dojo.

Mark Trail, 4/12/18

Based on Mark’s grim facial expression in the final panel, I assume he knows that Jim was crushed to death under the jeep, and is going to allow Marlin to mourn in private. If there’s one thing Mark doesn’t like being around, it’s emotions.

Mary Worth, 4/12/18

I’m not sure what sort of stuff Rick’s sells, exactly, but I’m certainly hoping that Iris and Zak are here to buy, say, a hammock, talking loudly all through their shopping experience about how it’ll easily be converted into a makeshift sex swing.

Crankshaft, 4/12/18

Fun fact: True Crime Addict is a real book, and James Renner is a real person who’s been rendered here relatively faithfully, presumably because he owes someone a terrible debt, or perhaps because he lost a contest.

Spider-Man, 4/12/18

That quote is from the Bible, so in attributing the inerrant word of YHWH to some unspecified “they,” JJJ is proving himself a darn polytheist on top of everything else!