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Crankshaft, 10/1/18

So I guess this lady is in fact one of Crankshaft’s classmates — one of, as this tiny set of plates indicates, a fast dwindling number. I have literally no handle on any of the interpersonal dynamics going on here. Why is Crankshaft so resistent to acknowledging that he and Mary are a romantic item? Why is Mary so eager for people to know that she’s linked herself, sexually and presumably emotionally, to Ed Crankshaft, one of the most hateful men alive? Why is Darla Gillespie smiling at this interaction? Surely you don’t expect me to believe that she feels anything positive about Crankshaft or his romantic situation.

Six Chix, 10/1/18

Shout out, I guess, to Six Chix not having the alien actually saying this to someone wearing lederhosen, which is what I’d expect for a joke like this but it wouldn’t make any sense, because, why would he need to be taken to it? It’s right there! Much less of a shoutout to Six Chix for not knowing what other kinds of southern German garb to use, though. Dirndls! Dirndls are what you’re looking for. Maybe you think you’ve drawn a dirndl here, but trust me, you very much have not.

Dick Tracy, 10/1/18

There’s a whole “Ugly Crystal is meeting her biological dad” plot in Dick Tracy storyline going on right now that I extremely don’t care about, but I find it very, very funny that (a) for some reason personal medical information is being delivered to the police station instead of these people’s homes and (b) Dick seems to have casually opened one of the envelopes. Don’t like it, kid? Whaddya gonna do, call the cops?

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Crankshaft, 9/24/18

Hmm, is Crankshaft adding a new character to its cast? Or is this old lady someone who appeared years ago and I never knew about her or perhaps forgot? At any rate, I’m very looking forward to a plot where once again Darla Gillespie organizes her class reunion, making meticulous preparations but hoping that this is the year when nobody shows up because they’ve all died and she can finally declare herself the winner of the tontine.

Gil Thorp, 9/24/18

Oh, I’m sorry, is Tiki Jansen not a star? Maybe if we consider “star” an inadequate term for a guy who blocks field goals by jumping, like … 10, 20 feet in the air? I’m not a scientist, but that seems pretty impressive. Anyway, here’s hoping for an all special teams fall plot! Just Marty Moon watching botched kick after botched kick, his eyes bugging out in shellshocked awe!

Family Circus, 9/24/18

The commands of the God of Christianity have failed to restrain Jeffy’s sinful behavior, so his mother has, sadly, been forced to turn to witchcraft.

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Gil Thorp, 9/11/18

So Tiki Jansen turns out to be transfer student, which is how he gets to both be a “rookie” who doesn’t know the name of the Mudlarks’ favorite post-game hangout but also be old enough to drive a car. Not just any car, of course, but a nasty car. The nastiest car. Has anyone in the history of the English language referred to an old, beat-up car as “nasty” before, outside of this comic strip? I sure the heck am going forward. Beware, old beat-up cars: I will be pointing at you saying “check out that nasty car” from here on in!

Crankshaft, 9/11/18

Looks like my change dot org petition to bomb Crankshaft from space finally got enough signatures!