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Dick Tracy, 6/20/18

Oh, right, so it turns out Sawtooth wasn’t at Rocky Horror for fun, but for work, his work being to bite Ygor Glitch to death, in a room that isn’t exactly brightly lit but is very crowded and probably if some dude had his throat suddenly torn open by some other dude’s metal teeth … I dunno, people would notice? Exactly how orgiastic and crazed does the Dick Tracy creative team think Rocky Horror showings are, anyway? Having been to one, I feel confident in saying that a particularly gruesome murder would draw some attention. What does ring true is that the Rocky Horror kids would snidely refer to Dick by the actually funny name of the in-universe comic strip about him, which was a thing that I had forgotten was a thing but is honestly great.

Hagar the Horrible, 6/20/18

Look, Hagar, I get that, after a hundred savage raids in your life, you’re bored with just stabbing people to death. But how many people have you managed to kill or paralyze by hurling them from the top of their own castles, while Eddie and the rest of your men go at it with their swords? Is this really the most efficient way to go about this?

Pluggers, 6/20/18

I’m pretty sure the plugger cat-man doesn’t have a wife? That may be why he looks so startled here. He’s never heard any of this before!

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Dick Tracy, 6/18/18

Hey, remember how Sawtooth was on his way to Neo-Chicago, to do crimes? Well, even though he’s a brutal cop-killing thug with teeth made out of real saws, he still has other interests, and one of those interests is taking in live midnight audience-participation showings of the cult classic Rocky Horror Picture Show. Too bad Sam Catchem was there too! God, you’d think you could avoid the cops at underground events like Rocky Horror, but I guess this is pretty clear evidence that it is not as alternative and punk rock as it was 30 years ago, right? Anyway, Sawtooth is about to punch a cop in a face, in public, which probably won’t help with the whole “sneaking into town in disguise” part of his plan.

Mary Worth, 6/18/18

Ahh, Tommy and Brandy, just another pair of economically marginal Americans working themselves to death! Maybe soon they’ll fall in love, share expenses on a tiny apartment in a so-so neighborhood, and occasionally get to have sex after work, assuming their shifts can sync up and they aren’t too exhausted.

Beetle Bailey, 6/18/18

Speaking of sex, Killer just did sex and … then came back to the barracks, literally putting off smoke? I don’t know why it bothers me so much that this is smoke and not steam. I know “putting off steam after sex” isn’t how sex works, but putting off smoke after sex is definitely not how sex works.

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Dick Tracy, 6/10/18

Ha ha, I guess this is why they call him “Sawtooth”: if you try to make small talk with him during the 46-hour train ride from California to Chicago, he’ll bite your head off! Metaphorically. And maybe literally, later. 46 hours is a long time. And that’s the scheduled travel time. Those long-haul Amtrak routes often run very late. Lotta opportunities for, say, a guy with metal teeth to bite another guy’s head off, is what I’m saying. He’d have some soothing quiet then, by God. Except for all the horrified screaming, I guess.

Mary Worth, 6/10/18

Remember, Mary is of a certain age, so she uses euphemisms like “seeing someone at the Medical Arts Building” to mean psychotherapy and “exciting personal life” to mean “non-stop fuckfest with a hot rich dude her son’s age, to which I have given my blessing.”

Spider-Man, 6/10/18

Boy, there’s a lot of musing about hospital administrators padding out this comic before we get to the best: the NEXT: box that boldly uses the completely horrifying phrase “spider of flesh!” Imagine if you will a spider not covered in chitin like the ones you know, but rather just composed entirely of flesh. Just a spider-shaped flesh-chunk, no organs or anything like that, but somehow alive, and moving. Pretty awful, right? Sure would want a fist made of iron to come along and pound it into oblivion!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/10/18

“…with a bigger budget than most, of course. So, in other words, I’m not like a regular mom at all! I’m rich as shit!”