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Blondie, 5/5/16

In Chilean Spanish, a “nuco” is a nocturnal bird, like an owl. So for Mexico’s Cinco de Mayo celebration, Dag’s diner is serving up grilled Chilean owl. I would’ve gone with the sea bass.

Six Chix, 5/5/16

Somehow the passive aggression just makes the bossiness worse.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/5/16

Hutch was firstborn, for sure.

Pluggers, 5/5/16

Pluggers send their grandkids homemade porn.

Wizard of Id, 5/5/16

Yes, like the Wiz is exhausting that adorable little fart in the last panel there.

Dick Tracy, 5/5/16

Oh boy, Dick Tracy’s police state is tattooing prisoners now.

In the current thread among so, so, many, goat-goateed Notta Fallar framed Tracy by releasing a video of herself making out with Putty Puss disguised as Tracy. Bluenose Mayor Armstrong suspended him, so he called in a favor from pal Oliver Warbucks, who hired lawyer Mr. Kleen to press Tracy’s case. I was certain Mr. Kleen was going to be an intentionally ironic name for any lawyer who works in Dick Tracy (like Law and Order’s Judge Softon Crime), but nooo – he’s just some guy with a Purell® jones and apparently, a real aversion to legal work.

Zits, 5/5/16

Jeremy Duncan used to have a serious case of the hots for his guidance counselor. Farewell to adolescence, I guess. Who knows what comes next? Not him!

– Uncle Lumpy

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Dick Tracy, 4/13/16

If there’s one thing we associate with Dick Tracy, it’s gruesome, authoritarian violence, but if there’s one other thing we associate with Dick Tracy, it’s oddly-shaped criminals with really on-the-nose names. But generally those names have at least a bit of fun wordplay involved. Like Professor Glitch! See, because he works with computers, and computers have glitches, sometimes! Or Matty Squared, who appears to be some kind of artificial intelligence housed in a basically square casing! That’s why I’m actively offended by the current boss of the strip’s bad guy hierarchy, Mr. Bribery. See, they call him that because he … bribes people? I assume? I actually don’t think we’ve ever seen him bribe anybody. Is supposed to be … ironic? Maybe?

Lockhorns, 4/13/16

I’m pretty sure that this joke would work better if Leroy were actually smiling. But then, this may just be a case where Loretta’s long experience with Leroy’s misery blinds her to what others see. She can parse where Leroy is on his emotional spectrum, which ranges from “suicidally miserable” to “briefly capable of seeing how a third party might enjoy my life as an ironic farce,” but to everyone else, a crumplefrown is just a crumplefrown.

Judge Parker, 4/13/16

This whole is-Rocky-cheating-on-Godiva-or-isn’t-he plot has been super boring, mostly because it’s all taken place off panel while our heroes endlessly rehash their limited information on the subject. I would argue that the way to jazz it up would be to actually show us what Rocky’s up to, and not, in the direction that we appear to be going here, to have the characters endlessly rehash their limited information on the subject while casually taking off their shirts.

Mary Worth, 4/13/16

WHEW, FALSE ALARM EVERYBODY

HARLAN JONES IS HETEROSEXUAL, BEREAVED, AND OWNS AN ADORABLE DOG

STUDENT-TEACHER MACKING MAY COMMENCE

(the less said about this strip’s first-ever attempt to depict Dawn’s boobs, and to do so from a “dog’s-eye view,” the better)

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(Brief correction: Guys, due to a cut-and-paste error, this week’s Comment of the Week was inaccurately attributed! It is actually from Steve S. Now fixed!)

Marvin, 3/28/16

The daily comics are a medium that rewards complacency, which is why I find Marvin’s commitment to innovation impressive. The strip could’ve rested on its laurels as “that awful thing where a baby smugly pees and poops all the time,” but no: they introduced sapient dog characters who can communicate with the baby characters, and the dogs’ peeing and pooping are also a source of laughs. But the creative team did not stop there! No, today we see the dawn of a new chapter in Marvin: a chapter in which the very bodily organs responsible for the elimination of waste now have minds of their own and speak and interact with others. Can’t wait to see what pithy witticisms Marvin’s G.I. tract has in store for us!

Judge Parker, 3/28/16

Hey, were you worried that Neddy was going to actually suffer consequences of some sort for her terrible, reckless driving. Well, don’t worry, these Chubbs (actual name) are clearly scam artists, determined to soak the local trillionaires, dressing up in comically outdated medical dressing that they probably borrowed from the local amateur theater company or something. Look, even their fat little dog has some on! This is just yet another example of the put-upon rich being abused in this country, and I for one will cheer when Sam sues them back to the stone age.

Dick Tracy, 3/28/16

“Welp, another adventure done. Looks like it’s all over but the shouting!” [in the background, as Dick and his friends smile at each other smugly: literal shouting from the dozens of people who have been horribly injured in this huge explosion]