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Dick Tracy, 11/21/19

Splitface is back, everybody! Remember Splitface, the beloved (?) villain from the storyline earlier this year? Splitface, who used to be Haf and Haf, not the other guy with the same name? Anyway, Splitface is being awfully hard on Clybourne, who, despite not having much experience working with explosives, has nevertheless managed to correctly identify this as a multi-car bomb.

Crankshaft, 11/21/19

I’m … assuming this is setting up a whole week of wacky Crankshaft Thanksigivingisms but … guys, what if they just forgot that Thanksgiving was really late into November this year, and thought November 21st was Thanksgiving when they wrote this, and this is supposed to be the Thanksgiving strip! Just imagine the number of people who had a chance to say “Hey, is this supposed to run next week?” but didn’t, because, Crankshaft, man, and who cares, actually.

Mary Worth, 11/21/19

This condo complex is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The pedestrian walkways and designated parking areas are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their drunkenness and boxing documentaries will foam up about their waists, and all the advice columnists and busybodies will look up and shout “Do you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain?”

…and I’ll look down, and whisper “no.”

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Dustin, 11/13/19

Hey, everyone, did you know that beloved Dustin character Dustin’s mom “Helen” is a talk radio DJ, or [squints] possibly a podcaster? Anyway, a thing I think would be pretty wild would be to go back to 1968 and try to explain that someday there was going to be a “battle of the generations” newspaper comic strip and the strip’s Baby Boomers would be the ones making fun of marijuana legalization advocates.

Slylock Fox, 11/13/19

Hey kids! Death comes for us all, for each and every living thing on this Earth, and will come for you, eventually; but due to variations in biology, some species have fewer happy days in to spend in this one and only precious life than others! Which of these adorable animals is most statistically likely to feel the icy hand of the Reaper on their shoulder first, guiding them through the Veil into nothingness? No matter how you answer, remember, someday we’ll all be there together! Ha ha, that turtle is an angry policeman!

Mary Worth, 11/13/19

Having finally gotten a moment to stop thinking about what this double date means for her romantic situation, Estelle realizes what this double date means for the next 24 to 48 hours of her bathroom situation. She’s not living her best life, guys!

Dick Tracy, 11/13/19

Sorry, guys, but no attempted on-purpose joke in the comics this week will be even a fraction as funny as the police diver flashing a thumbs-up to Dick to let him know that “Yep! They’re dead!”

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Dick Tracy, 11/12/19

Folks, another Dick Tracy plot has come and gone without me bothering to keep you up on the details much, but trust me when I say it was generally kind of confusing and there’s been absolutely no in-story explanation of why Det. Frisk’s hair, once blonde, is now abruptly Manic Panic pink. I didn’t even bother to inform you when the storyline’s villains, whose motivations I never had a particularly firm grasp on, drove their car off a bridge and into a river. But I thought you might enjoy today’s strip, in which Tracy makes an extremely half-assed attempt to radio for help, and then he and Frisk calmly discuss the fact that their antagonists’ souls will be tortured forever in hell, probably.

Mark Trail, 11/12/19

Remember, kids, if you encounter an enormous six-foot ‘gator, a few well-placed WHACK KA-WHACKs will be enough to defeat it! Definitely feel free to just bonk that ‘gator with whatever big stick you have handy. No ill will come of it, for you!

Mary Worth, 11/12/19

Estelle thinks not taking Wilbur’s glasses off after gently tucking him in on the couch and then thought ballooning about how she had an unpleasant evening constitutes an appropriate response to this evening’s mayhem, which is why Estelle needs to learn to respect herself