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Dustin, 4/25/19

Sorry to youngsplain at you, Dustin’s Boomer Dad Whose Name I Refuse To Remember Or Look Up, but on the social networking service Twitter, a “tweet” is a post that’s publicly visible, or, if you have a locked account, a post that’s visible to your followers; a “direct message,” as the name implies, is private message visible only to the sender and recipient or recipients. Getting dumped in public has a very different emotional valence than the relative privacy of a direct message, so your “Dear John tweet” joke is inaccurate, and isn’t even as charming as wordplay as the more correct “Dear John DM” would be. Also, your son appears to be experiencing a real emotional crisis, as many people of all ages would if the romantic relationship they were in abruptly came to an end, but sure, the thing to focus on here is the website via which the message happened to be sent, so laff it up.

Mary Worth, 4/25/19

I love that, as Estelle unravels emotionally, Mary is just making unbroken eye contact with her phone while dropping this scam knowledge. “Look, Estelle, I know your boyfriend is on your phone and you think everything on phones is real. Well, my phone is telling me that your boyfriend is probably a fraud! Really makes you think, doesn’t it?”

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Marvin, 4/14/19

I am, I think it goes without saying, old and out of touch, so I guess one of the things I appreciate about newspaper comic strips is that they’re even older and more out of touch than I am, especially when it comes to depicting the youths and their various opinions and habits. Marvin is pretty lucky in that regard because it’s about actual babies, and, like, what are babies into? Pissing themselves? Marvin has you covered, my friend. And yet I take no pleasure in reporting that, if there were something other than not being potty trained that would probably excite the interest of the toddler set, it would almost certainly be creating and consuming monotonous but mesmerizing online content, like a YouTube channel of someone destroying toys with a hammer. Marvin truly has its finger on the pulse, is what I’m saying.

Dustin, 4/14/19

You know what else the kids like? Enjoying recreational marijuana use! Especially on April 15. Yes, 4/15, the special marijuana date we all know and love.

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Dustin, 2/27/19

“Ha ha, my husband and I haven’t been able to come up with sexual feelings for one another for years. We sure do fight about money, though!” I’m beginning to grudgingly accept that Dustin is in fact a neutral observer in the ongoing Boomer-Millennial wars, in the sense that it mostly exists to illustrate how both generations suck and that people in general are pretty terrible.

Mary Worth, 2/27/19

I am of course going to bring you detailed coverage of each and every one of Estelle’s hell-paramours for as long as she continues going on dates, or, as the narration box refers to it, has “experiences with online dating,” which sounds like a phrase cooked up by Silverdaters’ marketing team. Anyway, this guy’s a real asshole, but you have to admit that his fashion choices are on point. A purple vest over an olive shirt that has a turquoise-tipped collar, to match his turquoise bolo tie! [chef’s kiss]

Beetle Bailey, 2/27/19

A “fun” thing Beetle Bailey has been doing lately is a series of strips where Beetle is shown to be uninterested in Miss Buxley’s sexual advances. I’m not sure how much body language I can detect in that second panel, but it sure looks like Beetle is sitting there with his arms crossed sullenly. He may have created a makeshift privacy cover, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to neck like a common harlot.