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Mary Worth, 7/30/18

Oh, huh, so it seems that Tommy’s jailhouse conversion was specifically to Roman Catholicism, interesting! You can understand why he finds it an attractive faith, seeing as he seems to have wildly misunderstood the purpose of the sacrament of confession; apparently he thinks that if there’s something you should probably tell somebody in your life, admitting it in the confessional instead is functionally the same thing! I feel bad for this priest, who’s probably had to hear the tales of Tommy’s meth-dealing days, like, five times by now.

Gil Thorp, 7/30/18

Finally, the “spring” baseball plot is over, and now we have just a few short weeks for a wacky summertime storyline! Clearly it’s not enough time to top such classics as “Kaz gets a job as a rock star’s bodyguard” or “Marty Moon gets grifted at golf” or “Gil does a pro wrestling match for charity,” but it seems to involve the local kids getting into the latest extreme sports craze, RainCycling, so I’m excited to see where it goes.

Gasoline Alley, 7/30/18

Like many characters of color working as servants in fiction, Gertie has a sassy personality and not much of an inner life to which we’re privy. Today, though, we learn a little bit of how she passes her time in her off hours: with lots and lots of Wookiee porn.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/30/18

REX MORGAN, M.D., PRESENTS: TWO-FISTED TALES OF GETTING TO THE AIRPORT ON TIME

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Hagar the Horrible, 7/23/18

The question of whether Hagar and his contemporaries are Christians or adherents to the old Norse pantheon is one that comes up often on this blog. But I guess these existential questions are best answered for all of us when we die, and Hagar’s looming demise is telling us a lot about who he served. Those aren’t angels, those are the servants of Ba‘al Zəbûb, Lord of the Flies.

Dick Tracy, 7/23/18

Good news, everyone! Sawtooth and Grimm did not manage to kill Dick Tracy while disguised as lovable bread-men! I myself am not a henchman for a criminal syndicate, but I really wonder: is admitting that you need medical attention because you’ve been shot, with a gun, enough for you to lose your “tough guy” status? Do transportation arrangements really trump a seeping bullet wound when setting priorities? I guess this is just further proof that I’m not cut out for the crime biz!

Gil Thorp, 7/23/18

Ha ha oh God this game is still happening this storyline is still happening this spring will never end

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Gil Thorp, 7/21/18

OK, fine, this is how the Gil Thorp baseball season plotline ends: with Barry Bader, who’s been just a relentless dick to everyone for, literally, more than two years, finally makes a little speech where he gives the most half-assed apology imaginable, in the middle of a game when nobody asks for it. You know this is the resolution because Gil and Kaz give each other big grins and say “That’s our Barry!!!!!” and then, presumably, walk away into the summer sunshine, never to think about Barry or any of the other seniors again. It’s only the fourth inning, but see ya kids, golf’s not gonna play itself!

Hi and Lois, 7/21/18

Hi’s kids only want to spend time with him because he’s bribing them with ice cream! That’s the joke I was going to write for my blog making fun of comic strips, but then I realized it’s also the joke of this comic strip, and it’s incredibly sad.