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Judge Parker, 4/10/20

Oh, shoot, let’s catch you up on some Judge Parker storylines I’ve been neglected: Toni is indeed working out her political irritations by running for mayor, and Sophie, who was already looking for a non-Alan campaign to latch onto in order to irritate her family, is volunteering for (and possibly running?) Toni’s campaign, and also Neddy and Ronnie’s Netflix show about April has started filming in Cavelton. Today we learn that, despite all the narrative excitement of the mayoral race being focused on the Alan vs. Toni battle, there’s apparently an incumbent mayor who’s also running, who under normal circumstances would probably be heavily favored! Now, I’m not a data-obsessed geopolitics expert like Sophie, but if I were running an ex-newscaster’s insurgent mayoral campaign, I’d be advising her to leverage her regional fame and media contacts to get her message out rather than, apparently, having her teenage campaign manager yell things to disrupt a TV production that’s probably making a bunch of local hires and boosting the town’s economy.

Hi and Lois, 4/10/20

Damn, Hi and Lois, climate change is old news — it’s all about global pandemics now! Try to keep up with the depressing, depressing times, won’t you?

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Mary Worth, 4/1/20

Oh man, I am living for Mary’s dead-eyed facial expression in panel one here. “Gosh,” she seems to be saying, “Dawn has found herself in a romantic predicament of her own making. Who could’ve possibly predicted this.” She seems unable to even work up much enthusiasm for the coming meddle: “You’re gonna have to make a choice, and be honest, blah blah blah. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go water some more flowers, over, uh, over there, on the other side of the yard, gotta go.”

Family Circus, 4/1/20

Big Daddy Keane is smiling because Billy doesn’t quite understand what’s happening here. As a sovereign citizen, he will very much not be telling the so-called “federal government” where he lives and how many dependents he has, but rather is writing a long note on the form about how he refuses to exchange his allodial property rights for the supposed “civil rights” guarantees of the 14th amendment, and is putting some home-brewed biotoxins in the envelope to boot.

Judge Parker, 4/1/20

If you’re a fabulously rich guy running to be a small-town mayor and the biggest knock against you, other than the whole thing where you’re a criminal, is that you’re an out-of-touch old-money elitist, definitely a way to change people’s minds on that point is to be the only person at your campaign fundraiser wearing a tuxedo.

Blondie, 4/1/20

Hey, everyone, what’s your least favorite part of this utterly nightmarish drawing of Dagwood waking up screaming from his nap? Let’s take a closer look!

It’s his weird, tiny, lizard-like tongue, right? Gotta be the tongue! It’s the same color as his skin!

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Daddy Daze, 3/10/20

Ah, yes, what you’ve all been wondering about the Daddy Daze Daddy ever since I started covering this strip: since he lives in a weird insular world inhabited by only him and a preverbal infant onto whom he projects various insane motivations, what does he do when his ex-wife, with whom he shares custody, has the baby? Well, apparently he goes down to his local coffee shop and mopes with a local goth (?) who he’s friends with, or maybe it’s just some guy he sat down next to and started talking to, who can tell, really.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/10/20

“Could she be making a hasty choice that she’ll come to regret? That’s very possible, but I can’t emphasize enough that once she walks out the door, that will be very, very much cease to be my problem.”

Family Circus, 3/10/20

Hey, remember last week when Billy realized that his mom might capable of inspiring erotic thoughts? Weird how he’s been spending this week imagining various over-the-top ways his father could die. Probably a coincidence!

Judge Parker, 3/10/20

Oh God, has Toni become a blogger? Who knew she could stoop so low?