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Shoe, 8/13/18

As near as I can tell, “My wife doesn’t understand me” is a set phrase that, whether it was ever used in real life or not, is generally understood in fiction to be the opening line of a man talking to someone with whom he’s looking to cheat on his wife. (The funny pages’ beloved Hagar the Horrible has used it in exactly that way, for instance.) But while it’s certainly possible that Senator Belfrey is trying to hit on this extremely put-upon bartender, he’s generally been depicted in this strip as grotesquely heterosexual, so I guess we’re meant to understand that he’s not deploying this phrase with ulterior motives in mind, but is genuinely trying to unburden himself and talk about the real emotional void in this life right now with a man he considers a friend. And that’s great, not only because I like to see depictions of people working through their issues in a thoughtful and constructive way, but also because otherwise he’d be trying to fuck this guy’s dog, or his liver.

Mark Trail, 8/13/18

Guys, I genuinely cannot tell you what the hell’s happening in Mark Trail right now, but it involves Rusty and Mara going to join a tour group at some other temple that’s not the same temple as the creepy and mysterious temple they were at earlier, and then trying and failing to get Becky’s attention. (This is just a side note, but, real talk: I have no idea who Becky is.) Anyway, I’m kind of in awe of today’s strip, which is dedicated entirely to Red-Hot It’s Weird That Becky Couldn’t Hear Us Action, and I hope it’s a setup for a plot where Rusty and Mara have been transported to some spirit realm by the evil forces residing in one or more of these temples, and that they are fated to drift as insubstantial shades through the world, seeing but not being seen, but probably Becky just couldn’t hear them for some reason that’s never going to be explained adequately.

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Hagar the Horrible, 8/7/18

Eddie, I’m sorry to report that, while ants don’t have organs that are homologous to human ears, they do have what’s called a subgenual organ, located below the ant’s femur and tibia leg joint, that can detect vibrations and thus help the ant detect and interpret most of what we think of as sound. If it makes you feel any better, though, ants can’t understand language, not even cruel insults, and neither do they have the sort of grasp of cause and effect that would allow them to construct a weird narrative loop where you come up with an answer to the question meant to shield you from the cutting response to that very answer.

Mark Trail, 8/7/18

Wow, Rusty’s finally figured out that maybe people don’t like it when you “translate” their weird foreign name into your language when you talk to them? But in case you’re worried this strip is getting too “politically correct,” it only occurred to Rusty that Jo(s)e was Mexican when he became comically sleepy.

Dennis the Menace, 8/7/18

There’s nothing more menacing than acting out not because you’re angry, not even because you’re cruel, but because you’re a bottomless pit of need and can feel no emotion other than a thrumming voice that yells WHY AREN’T THEY LOOKING AT ME.

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Mark Trail, 8/4/18

Sorry I haven’t talked about Mark Trail for, like, three weeks, but the whole time has just been Mark and Doctor Carter doing lots of dumb in-jokes about Indiana Jones and Trilogy of Terror, which, snooooooze. That’s the “security system” they’re talking about, the dumb fake idol from the Trilogy of Terror movie. Anyway, the children have been separated from the adults now, which, uh, never presages bad things, not at all, but at least for the moment let’s enjoy these adorable tiny deer? things? I very much want a Sunday strip teaching me all the fun facts about these guys!

Mary Worth, 8/4/18

Oh, good, Tommy just “realized” that he totally fixed his various addictions by thinking of them as sins rather than psychological or medical problems! Everything’s going to go completely smoothly from now on!