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Pluggers, 6/10/25

Pluggers already did a version of this bit in 2007, only back then the joke was “When a plugger gives you directions, all the landmarks he uses will be stores that long ago went out of business, because his mental map of the world stopped changing at some point as he aged.” Now it’s “Wouldn’t it be cool if your phone, possibly using some kind of advanced AI, gave you directions using long-closed stores as landmarks so as to better match your mental map of the world, which stopped changing at some point as you aged?” This is, I think you’ll agree, significantly more depressing.

Blondie, 6/10/25

Speaking of old people and technology, I appreciate Blondie’s ongoing mission of educating us on how old people use technology. You ever log into a website with two-factor authentication turned on, and it asks you if you want to receive your access code as a text or a phone call, and you think to yourself, “A text, obviously, who on earth would ever choose phone call, that sounds terrible”? Well, it turns out that the ones choosing “phone call” are the writers and, presumably, the readers of the syndicated newspaper comic strip Blondie.

Mary Worth, 6/10/25

I guess it’s only Tuesday so there’s probably a bit more to come but I do love that Wilbur and Dawn are just speed-running their way to pretending the Belle Episode never happened and pushing all the associated emotions they might have about it deep down inside. Are we going to unpack what “someone like Belle” means in this context? Nope! Are we gonna acknowledge that Belle’s brother was just Tall Wilbur? Absolutely not! La la la everything is fine just fine in Westonworld, just as it always has been, aside for a few minor bumps we don’t think about, ever!

Herb and Jamaal, 6/10/25

“That’s an interesting philosophical take, Herb, and I appreciate it! So, uh, are you going to help me … operate this restaurant that we both own, or are you just going to spend the rest of the day doing this conceptual art project or whatever it is?”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/31/25

Wait, is something happening in Rex Morgan, M.D.? Is something interesting happening in Rex Morgan, M.D.? Wild. Truly wild. Something’s happening. Who would’ve guessed it?

Blondie, 5/31/25

Guys, you’ve both been angling to swing with Ernie and Lily for months now! You think your wives don’t know? They know!

Pluggers, 5/31/25

Sorry, dog-man, it’s actually Saturday! Close, though. So close.

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Crankshaft, 5/24/25

The wisteria guy from earlier this week is, as Uncle Lumpy remembers so I don’t have to, the former paramour of Lilian’s now-deceased sister Lucy; he used to dance with her at the Wisteria Ballroom, and then set up an overly elaborate proposal scenario that was to take place there that didn’t come off right and therefore their love was thwarted forever, to their mutual despair, which could’ve been avoided if he had been just a little bit normal about the whole thing. Anyway, the lady at the flower shop gave him some wisterias, which he wistfully put on Lucy’s grave, and now, mere minutes later, a maintenance guy is driving by to grab them and put them directly in the garbage. The terrible Funkyverse vibes are back, everybody! They’re back and they’re better than ever!

Luann, 5/24/25

Speaking of terrible vibes, Luann and the weird uptight guy she kissed behind a clipboard exactly once are apparently going to move into a tiny studio apartment together? There’s two ways this could go: the strip could finally approach young people’s sexuality in a straightforward way or it could do a ribald fanfic-style storyline where, uh oh! There’s only one bed!!!! I leave it as an exercise to the reader to figure out which possibility I find more likely.

Gil Thorp, 5/24/25

Hmm, in Kennedy v. Bremerton School District, the Supreme Court ruled that a public high school football coach could lead students in prayer on the 50 yard line after games, but the Milford administration thinks it can stop Coach Hernandez from peacefully using an Ouija board to contact a ghost in a school supply closet? “Lawyer up, coach!” is what the beloved dead “Pop(s)” is urging Luke, as he floats conveniently where Dr. Pearl can’t see him.

Beetle Bailey, 5/24/25

C’mon, man, the Beetle Bailey gang is in the army, and they have their own special forces units, like the Rangers. The joke should’ve been “Maybe I could’ve been an Army Ranger” “You’re more of a bear” and OK now I see why they didn’t go with that one.

Pluggers, 5/24/25

Pluggers are of an age at which they’re more prone to falling, and a fall could result in serious injury. They live in constant fear that such a thing could happen to them or their partners!