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Dennis the Menace, 11/9/21

I guess the joke here is supposed to be that Dennis is misinterpreting a traditional bridal party as some sort of harem situation? But in fact since all the women on this TV are wearing different colored dresses, and none of them appear to be the bride, it’s actually pretty reasonable to assume that the Mitchells are watching The Bachelor or a The Bachelor-style reality romance show, which would make Dennis’s question not menacing at all but just a standard commentary on the nature of the TV program. Either way, I don’t appreciate the “Eh? Eh? Sex?” look that Henry is giving us.

Mary Worth, 11/9/21

Oh my God, it’s only Tuesday — it is, I can’t emphasize enough, only Tuesday — and already Wilbur is singing angrily yelling Justin Timberlake’s 2002 hit “Cry Me A River” at Estelle and her date, who appears to have frozen in place, hoping nobody will notice him. Only Tuesday! How will Estelle counter???

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/9/21

“Ah yes, ‘blue skies’ — our old, uncrackable code for all’s clear. Thank goodness for our military background so we can communicate in utter secrecy this way. Now let’s read the next sentence, which — ah. Hmm.”

Dick Tracy, 11/9/21

When your mind finally snaps, what gibberish sentence will you be vacantly pecking out on a typewriter, over and over? I was never sure until today, but now I know it’s going to be “My name is Sam Catchem. I ordered Volume Six of ‘Derby Dugan: The Geebus Years.’” And you know what? I’m at peace with that.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/5/21

Well, it looks like Griff’s loyalty to his old friend — who was, let’s be real, pretty rude to him when he made a perfectly polite offer to cut Jordan in on some murderous shenanigans for hire — is so intense that he’s willing to blow up the shadowy leader of the cabal he works for, which will probably have any number of negative implications for him professionally and personally in the near to medium term. I do sincerely hope that all this plays out with Jordan and Michelle none the wiser, and they head forward into their married life completely oblivious to the fact that they were almost involved in something interesting happening.

Mary Worth, 11/5/21

Oh hell yes, it’s going to be a karaoke-off for Estelle’s love! Wilbur may not have been able to defeat Zak at Matrix-style kung fu, but now we’re on Wilbur’s own favored turf: the world of song! Will he prevail this time? My guess is not, I think we all assume he’s really bad at singing, right? Libby knows the score.

Dustin, 11/5/21

Dustin’s mom has definitely learned well from her earlier attempt to make conversation with her husband, and now she’s just going to do her best to get through this dinner without talking or responding to him at all. Come on, just keep chewing, keep your eyes locked somewhere around his chin, you can do it, we all believe in you.

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Judge Parker, 10/24/21

OK, I just want to establish a few facts here. The reason Abbey is so upset is that, now that the mayor is publicly accusing her of insurance fraud, the whole town is turning against her and she got yelled at when she went up to the local Starbucks or equivalent. And yet look at what’s in our heroes’ hands: it’s Sam who’s drinking out of a paper to-go cup while Abbey is using a regular coffee mug she probably got out of the cabinet. In other words, even though she’s filthy rich, she’s happy to just drink drip coffee from the machine in her kitchen, while Sam insists that he simply must have his daily half-caf mocha frappuccino or whatever put together by a barista for $9. So, isn’t he the real villain here, for making Abbey brave the hostile public so he could get his dumb caffeine milkshake? I mean, Abbey sucks, but let’s not let that distract us from the ways that Sam also sucks.

Six Chix, 10/24/21

Keeping you up to date on “Six Chix is occasionally good in an opaque and baffling way” news: Today’s Six Chix is good, in an opaque and baffling way. Ha ha, the tunnel is full of fish! She won’t even be able to navigate her little rowboat in there, because it’s packed so full of fish! What a delight.

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/24/21

“Plus people find you weird and off-putting. They don’t want to be around you and definitely don’t want you at their wedding!”