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Archive: Shoe

139

Depressing Tuesday

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Shoe, 7/14/26

I appreciate that this joke could’ve worked fine by just saying that ol’ Uncle Herm was a lousy bowler; but no, we also gotta work in the fact that he was a big drunk as well. It’s nice to see the Perfesser is continuing the family tradition of nephews having a semi-close relationship with their alcoholic uncles. Will Skyler make visits to the graveyard to leave flowers on his tombstone when he dies, an event that, based on his general vibes, always seems imminent?

Dennis the Menace, 7/14/26

“The only motivations other people have for doing things all involve their feelings about me, the main character of reality” is admittedly a pretty menacing attitude to go through life with. You have to hand it to Dennis today, menace-wise!

Pluggers, 7/14/26

“Even the small bits of pleasure pluggers once took in everyday life have been transformed into nagging, painful reminders of their failing bodies.” —Pluggers, the comic strip beloved (???) by pluggers everywhere

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Various odd creatures

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Mark Trail, 6/19/26

Oh wow, I think this gorilla sanctuary storyline is adding yet more layers of moral complexity. If you ran a failing gorilla sanctuary and needed a cash infusion to keep these noble creatures well cared for, how far would you go to do it? Would you scam a guy online for money? Would you have sex with him if he showed up in person? Would you marry him, if he asked, which Mark’s dad did, by the way? Would you give the gorillas to a more successful sanctuary? No to that last one? You’ll do the sex/marriage thing, instead? Interesting. Interesting.

Marvin, 6/19/26

There’s lots of philosophical yammering these days about whether AI chatbots are intelligent or sentient or however you want to describe it. From my perspective, there’s only one way I’ll admit that a machine-mind could be a being like me with inalienable rights: if it loathes Marvin, the main character in the comic strip Marvin, as much as I do.

Shoe, 6/19/26

“A bird? A bird that can talk and play guitar? Like a bird with feathers, the kind that flies in the fucking sky? Thank God you warned us. Deploy the police. Call in the army. We’ve got to stop this monster before it’s too late for the good people of Kansas City.”

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The arousing, the sublime, the disgusting

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Gil Thorp, 6/16/26

Good news, everyone! Luke has given up on his pagan beliefs that Milford High is haunted by the shades of its dead coaches, and has now returned to the orthodox doctrine of the Holy Mother Church, which holds that Jesus’s “spiritual body” can physically interpose itself between horny teens to prevent sexual sin.

Bizarro, 6/16/26

A few hours ago, they force-fed that antelope something with the winner’s name written on it — something hard, inedible, and painful to eat, as that’s the only thing that could remain intact in the digestive system long enough for this to work — and now that lion is going to eviscerate the poor animal live on stage and pull the name from its steaming, quivering guts. That’s what’s happening here, right? That’s the joke? That’s the nightmare to which this pun has led us?

Shoe, 6/16/26

“It’s so … erotic! Old guys usually aren’t my thing, but I’m not made of stone.”