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Between Friends, 5/5/17

Susan looks at death and disappointment the same way as Lillian from Crankshaft, and fears an afterlife tormented by regret. Her funeral director husband Harv sees death every day, and has abandoned such romantic notions. Is there anything grimmer than Canadians in despair?

[Psst … panel 4 — “don’t want to be”?]

Blondie, 5/5/17

Dithers knows that on any food-themed holiday he must abandon any pretense of running the firm that bears his name.

Somebody tell that guy in the middle that his pet monkey is up to no good again.

Judge Parker, 5/5/17

Good call, Sam, lawyer to the last — challenge Lieutenant Snouty there; explain things to him; tell him what to do. Or, if you sincerely want S.W.A.T. to back the hell off, repeat after me: “BOMB!”. Nouns are your friend, Sam.

Mary Worth, 5/5/17

Yes you should, Esme! He’s a) gorgeous, b) dark-haired, and c) a hunk! Also, d) a challenge! You want him — and you know you can have him! Most of all, we Mary Worth readers deserve some entertainment, and you are an Entertainer! You guys swear an oath or something, right? Well get on it girl, we are dying out here.

Crankshaft, 5/5/17

The week grinds on, the jokes wear thin, and attention wanes. “Exactly”? WTF, “exactly”?

Exactly.

–Uncle Lumpy

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No Star Wars puns from me this May the Fourth — isn’t that worth a couple bucks? I thought so!

Pluggers, 5/4/17

Not sure what they’re going for here: “Pluggers want all of technology’s benefits with none of the intellectual investment?” “Pluggers parade their ignorance as a point of pride?” “Pluggers are lazy hypocrites?” “Pluggers’ wives are somehow not pluggers?”

Wait, they’re at a bookstore? Ha, ha what a couple of pluggers!

Blondie, 5/4/17

Ha, ha tech and teh olds LMAO.

Beetle Bailey, 5/4/17

Ha, ha tech and teh olds LMAO.

Six Chix, 5/4/17

Six Chix rotates through a roster of six woman author/artists on weekdays, and separately on Sundays — sort of like girls’ softball in Gil Thorp. Here’s the current lineup, highlighting a couple of recent changes:

The rotation gimmick is really clever: at its best, it lets each Chik contribute fresh work without the pressure of daily deadlines. But at its worst, it lets the strip become an afterthought, with dashed-off artwork supporting a weak concept. A lot of recent strips boil down to “look at this thing I don’t like!”, punctuated by a knowing glance between the characters or at the audience.

Maybe before publishing one of these, the Chix should apply a variant of the Bechdel Test: if two woman characters are talking, and it’s not about men, is it about anything else?

Hm, I seem to be posting a lot of Pluggers this week. It can’t possibly mean anything, though.

–Uncle Lumpy

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Funky Winkerbean, 5/3/17

Boy, talk about exploring innovative revenue sources: comic strips are adopting commercial sponsorships with a vengeance. Never mind Mary Worth‘s Royal Caribbean International®-themed cruise story or even Spider-Man’s nonstop shilling for Guardians of the Galaxy 2 — opens Friday! — from The Walt Disney Company subsidiary Marvel Entertainment LLC. In just the past week we’ve seen Pickles plugging the Licki cat brush from PDX Pet Design — catch them at CatConLA 2017, sponsored by Rachel Ray Nutrish® super premium food for cats — and Gasoline Alley‘s shameless emotional manipulation in support of the Physician’s Assistant History Society and the American Association of Physician Assistants‘ convention AAPA 2017 in Las Vegas — the ultimate PA event, at MGM Resorts International‘s elegant Mandalay Bay South convention facility.

Here, retired Westview band leader Harry L. Dinkle, worldwide face of DINKLES brand marching shoes, accepts an award for selling band candy from van Houten chocolates (which, for the record, neither runs a factory in Belgium, nor, you know, sells chocolates).

I don’t know whether Dinkle’s award is coming from the “van Houten” that’s a Singapore-based Hershey subsidiary or the one that’s a China-based foodservice supplier, but please nobody tell their flack that Harry is strictly a Toblerone® guy, OK? He can’t fit anything but triangles into that mouth.

Mark Trail, 5/3/17

If you want to become a global branding behemouth like Harry L. Dinkle, you have to start small, but this is just sad, OK? I hope PR’s Restaurant and Truck Stop sprang for the full breakfast and not just complementary refills on the coffee.

Sally Forth, 5/3/17

Credit Sally for accommodating the tender feelings of Walt Disney World® Parks and Destinations and Universal Studios Parks and Resorts. But a more aggressive cross-licensing and affiliation strategy could help her out of her copyright jam. Maybe swap for a 10-year option to build Sally Forth: the 3-D Experience, The Whimsical World of Sally Forth, or Ted’s Flying Car Ride?

Remember, Sally: it’s not selling out when they already own you!

–Uncle Lumpy, brought to you by Palmolive — “you’re soaking in it!”