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Mark Trail, 7/2/16

So our mysterious circa 2014 sea-tourists have decamped to a deserted island, to make out! Hat Lady’s pouty face in panel one looks hilariously sarcastic to me? [fake baby voice] “Aww, I’m so sorry something bit your tender skin, little boy. NOW GET OVER HERE AND KISS ME LIKE A MAN WOULD KISS ME.” Presumably when Mark stumbles onto this island two years from now, these two will have fully mutated into ant-people.

Shoe, 7/2/16

A fun thing to do when you encounter an obvious euphemism for “had sex,” like “been romantic” in panel one here, is to contemplate whether an editor demanded the change or if the writer knew it had to be toned down for the “funny pages.” I for one yearn for the days when a bird-man wearing saddle shoes and what appear to be purple leg warmers but no pants can have a frank, honest, and open discussion about his sex life in the newspaper.

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Guys, your comment of the week momentarily, but first, a link to an article I wrote for CSO, about why tech security folks should make friends with networking pros instead of getting mad at them! Can’t we all just get along?

We can all definitely get along with this week’s top comment:

“A ‘juggling act’ that only involves two items is almost as big a rip-off as getting life advice from Wilbur Weston.” –Doctor Handsome

The runners up are also very good:

“Soldiers normally have to go into battle before they get that look in their eyes. The Halftracks are the only people who’ve ever gotten PTSD just sitting on the couch.” –Frank B. Chavez III, on Facebook

“This is a highly suspenseful strip. Mary has to use every subtle conversational hint she knows to convince Wilbur that it’s time to wrap up the conversation and leave her doorway. But she’s met her match in Wilbur, a man who normally has to be dragged away with a hook, vaudeville-style, before he ends a conversation. Who will win: the irresistible force or the immovable object?” –Joe Blevins

“Or maybe, Slylock, and I’m just spitballing here, but maybe no one should drink the creepy witch’s weird potion.” –Lorne

“Wanda Witch claims her other magic potion grants immortality. Slylock asked Max Mouse to test the potion. Why is he a good candidate for testing?” –Chyron HR

“Wait … Mark Trail is going to investigate a boat in the Pacific Ocean. Wilbur is currently headed across the Pacific Ocean to investigate disasters. [sweeps papers off table] GET ME SOME THUMBTACKS AND RED YARN” –Dan

“If I were a plugger I would be drinking spot remover by the gallon.” –Tim Pendergast, on Facebook

“I want to believe the Mob is hoarding Sarah’s books and works for when they kill her. Artist who tragically dies young sells much better.” –Ettorre

“I just love to watch these kids getting clued in to the latest local Art Museum gossip. ‘So Randy, the security guard, porked Cindy, the parking lot attendant, in the Roman sarcophagus in Classical Antiquities! And those mummies on the third floor? Hollowed out and packed with cocaine!'” –Ukulele Ike

“‘Things are not always as they seem, as they say, the best-made plans can go awry. You can’t make a silk-purse out of a sow’s ear or have your cake and eat it too. A wolf in sheep’s clothing is worth two in the bush. Pop goes the weasel like the plague.’ Mary leaned back and chuckled. Wilbur was going to wish he’d stayed in Japan.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Give Mary some credit, it ain’t easy typing an advice column with no space bar.” –lumaca morente

“Useless as a knife at a tank fight, Spiderman still manages to make himself feel a bit better by taking a completely unnecessary dig at his wife. ‘Ha ha, she’s only got the proportional strength of a woman! Guys?'” –pugfuggly

“We may need help with the heavier items, like ALL OF OUR FURNITURE.” –Myrtle

“I love how the realm of nightmares just constantly has spiders plastered onto the background. It’s an amazing shorthand for ‘this place is supposed to be supernaturally horrifying, made of the subconscious fears of all who live, but we don’t know how to draw anything clever like that. You’re scared of spiders, right?'” –Enlong

“Am I the only one who sees a possible Gasoline Alley/Slylock Fox crossover? ‘Count Weirdly brags that he just bought a rare coin from this bizarre-looking, easily excited human being. Slylock examines the coin and says Count Weirdly got cheated. What tipped him off?'” –Chrissy the Stooges Woman

“Dear Wendy, I’ve been through some hard times, but that’s drawn my Mom and me closer together. We now live in the same small apartment, we dress in complementary styles, and we get identical haircuts. We are now even planning on going into business together, and we have moved into a larger space so that we can work side-by-side all day without even leaving our apartment! Now, though, we need a name for our new enterprise. Do you think Tommy’s and Mommy’s is maybe a bit too cutesy-poo a name for a meth lab?” –seismic-2

“Is there any circumstance ever when ‘Deal’s Pawn Emporium, Home of Good Deals’ wouldn’t be a likely place to start? From Alexander Hamilton’s personal journal to a pistol with its serial number filed off, see Doug Deal — he’s dealin’!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“There’s a dozen explanations! Maybe her phone died! Maybe she died! Maybe … no, on second thought I guess there’s really only two explanations.” –Shrug

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

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Mary Worth, 7/1/16

This Mary Worth story isn’t just going to be about Wilbur forcing the Japanese to express emotions or Mary ghostwriting Wilbur’s column or Mary managing the help; it’s also about Wilbur’s girlfriend Iris and her ex-con son Tommy moving from one apartment to another! You might remember Tommy as an an aspiring meth entrepreneur (that panel’s from four years before Breaking Bad came out, people: Mary Worth is once again an innovator) who had cool hair; later, after he got paroled, he sold out and got a haircut so he could get a job as a janitor and a sandwich emporium. It’s nice to see that gainful employment hasn’t prevented him from growing it out again, although from the look of things maybe he’s just trying to match his mom’s hairstyle, presumably because they’ve joined some kind of cult together.

Gasoline Alley, 7/1/16

Since this coin is supposedly nearly 2,000 years old, you think Skeezik would want it examined by … I dunno, maybe an academic of some kind, rather than a pawn shop? I bet he regrets voting “Yes” in the referendum on the Expel All Intellectual Eggheads From Gasoline Alley Act now!

Judge Parker, 7/1/16

“Or maybe she just doesn’t like you! Have you considered that she might not like you? Often the most obvious explanations are also the correct ones.”

Pluggers, 7/1/16

[at the Tribune Company, 1993]

“…and we’ll illustrate the reader ideas with whimsical half-person, half-animal creatures.”

“That sounds great. One thing that occurs to me, though: won’t a lot of these reader ideas involve pets? The ordinary folks we’re targeting with this strip love their pets! Won’t that be extremely unsettling, as we’ll be implying a world where the division between humans and beasts isn’t a bright line, a world where there’s a muddled continuum of sapience?”

“No, I don’t think that’ll be a problem at all.”