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Hi and Lois, 8/7/15

Vaguely Punk Rock Drummer’s concerns about his coolness factor maybe should be focused closer to home, considering his bandmates are a guy in sailor cap and law school t-shirt and a guy wearing a cowboy outfit and sunglasses indoors.

Momma, 8/7/15

This bank manager is sweating for very good reason, as he has a completely fruitless afternoon of trying to explain how mortgages work ahead of him.

Shoe, 8/7/15

“Ha ha, here’s a hilarious dad joke I just thought up!” –a supposedly magical wizard who you hoped could solve the huge, catastrophic problem that looms over our society, but nobody can solve that problem, nobody but us, and we certainly aren’t going to do it

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Beetle Bailey, 8/6/15

I’m not sure what I like more about this strip: the fact that Killer believes that pretending to be a semi-divine being from a higher plane of existence is a potentially productive seduction technique in the year 2015, or the fact that, based on the angle of the ropes in panels one and two, Beetle can’t be standing more than five feet away, meaning the conversation he and Killer had in panel one was completely audible to these poor young women.

Curtis, 8/6/15

Um, is Curtis about to embark on a storyline where where its title character is regularly eating “mystery meat” from a food truck, “mystery meat” that turns out to be … human flesh???? Once the fiendish butcher is caught and set to death row, will all the adults in Curtis’s life assure him that he couldn’t have known, that he committed no crime — and yet the guilt and shame will still haunt him for the rest of his life? If so, I will 100% forgive this strip for skipping the traditional Kwanzaa madness last year.

Archie, 8/6/15

Man, Archie Comics sure have their finger on the pulse of modern teen life, am I right? I mean, yard sales! God, there’s nothing a teen loves more than a yard sale.

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Mark Trail, 8/5/15

Nice, Mark has discovered a mysterious old plane crash right in the area where the horribly diseased shark was pulled out of the water! And this plane crash contains a freakishly huge moray eel! Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Because what I’m thinking is that alien biotechnology was being ferried to a top-secret government lab in the 1930s in this plane when it crashed in the ocean, and now some mysterious entity has … awoken, and is causing unnatural changes to its aquatic environment. I’m looking forward to future Sunday strips that will explain the biology of this new threat. (“The black oil is an extraterrestrial virus that can modify the genetics of Earth life-forms, with terrible consequences!”)

Hagar the Horrible, 8/5/15

As the newspaper industry declines and syndication revenues for comics slip, everyone’s looking to open up new ways to monetize existing intellectual property. For instance, Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industry LLC is pitching a Hagar the Horrible reboot as a gritty, R-rated movie franchise.