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Panels from Mary Worth, 4/14/13

Charles Lamb may have been called “the most lovable figure in English literature” by his principal biographer, but his out-of-context quote frankly terrifies me. “You say that he’s too good-looking, but … I advise you to look deeper! Why not get past the surface to see what sort of personal reality you can create, deep within his body, after you burrow into his chest cavity to nest, while terrified onlookers beg you to stop!”

Panel from Blondie, 4/14/13

“Hello, fellow human! Are you ready to knock some pins down at the bowling alley?! Possibly while consuming alcohol and becoming pleasantly intoxicated? I’m definitely a human, and not an alien being wearing a very clever disguise and perfectly mimicking your human language, ha ha!”

Panel from Slylock Fox, 4/14/13

Fortunately, before Slylock had to figure out another dumb little game to distract Max, a mighty owl swooped down and grabbed his rodent companion in its talons, carrying him off to be devoured. Max’s terrified screaming soon faded, and Sly was finally able get a good night’s sleep.

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Herb and Jamaal, 4/13/13

The only thing Herb and Jamaal loves more than eschewing concrete nouns is rerunning the exact same joke every few years, so you’d think the last thing it would do would be to make a joke about a very specific television program that aired only a couple of weeks before the strip was published. I guess a mildly accurate recounting of the Bible from the same cable channel that brought you Ancient Aliens generates enough excitement to break longstanding strip traditions! Anyway, obviously Hip Young Reverend Whose Name I Forget is referring to the actual Bible in the punchline, but wouldn’t it be a bazillion times funnier if he were talking about this, which is a real thing that exists?

Apartment 3-G, 4/13/13

Oh, man, New York’s hot, devil-may-care governor is so intensely interested in having sex with Lu Ann Lu Ann’s art-classes-for-veterans’-kids charity that he isn’t even bothering to talk to anyone else at this party. This quickly establishes his personality (i.e., we now know he has sent a non-negligible number of pictures of his penis to lady constituents via various electronic communications platforms) and also saves the strip artist from the terrifying prospect of drawing a crowd scene.

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The weekend is here, and with it, your comment of the week!

“Cayla’s face demonstrating how much she is enjoying the fruits of Lisa’s death is the very heart and soul of the strip.” –Jack Scat

And the hilarious runners up!

“If Shelley doesn’t like the outdoors now, I have a feeling she may hate the outdoors by the time this camping trip [cue ominous music] is over.” –Poteet

“I compliment Slick Smitty for his sheer ballsiness. When making a sales call with carnivores, he dresses in a meat colored suit.” –Hogenmogen

“Mary, please give Wilbur his advice column back. When did he return from his trip, six months ago? Alone he sits, eating mayonnaise straight out of the jar and perusing Kite Action magazine. You monster.” –KreatureFeatures

“If I don’t slow down, my heart is going to explode! In fact, it might cause a BOOM on the market! Hah hah, no seriously I will die.” –Notebooked

“So, Mark, I’d like you to take Shelly on a tour of Lost Forest. Teach her that the forest is peaceful and has nothing for her to fear. Maybe start with a tour of the places that your hideous ward was either kidnapped or shot at from above. Show her the drug fields and the famous skeleton tree. Then maybe after a hearty pancake lunch you can show her Cherry’s giant beaver. That should all help her see what she’s been missing.” –Mikey

“The cardiologist ran no tests but pronounced his patient a ‘time bomb’? Seems legit. Rex asks the first man he sees to remove his shirt? Of course. Rex’s nurse giving the guy a hot cup of coffee right before an EKG? Sorry, that ‘ping”’was my suspension of disbeief snapping.” –Ed Dravecky

“I remain deeply suspicious of time-traveling Harry Truman’s motives in this particular Mark Trail plotline. I can’t tell you how, but I’m quite sure that it will develop that Cherry and Shelley’s presence in the woods will result in an attempt on Gov. Thomas Dewey’s life.” –Crankenstank

“Kingpin must have spent a fortune on that funky retro-sci-fi floating video monitor, so he can Skype with his mind-control victim: The blind guy.” –Doctor Handsome

“Telling your girlfriend what to wear/ Is boorish and intrusive/ You can’t write poetry for shit/ And you’re quite possibly abusive” –Mustang

“‘Hey, did you see that, Bob?’ ‘What, Bill?’ ‘That floating, bobbing television with the commanding visage of a fat man? You know, the one following that guy dressed in a red costume around?’ ‘Huh. Well, that’s New York for ya.’ ‘Aren’t we in San Francisco?’ ‘Hell if I know, Bill. The art looks the same, and they never draw the weather.'” –Voshkod

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