Post Content

Slylock Fox, 9/6/12

I’m always much more interested in the stories lurking in the Slylock Fox Six Differences games than I am in actually tracking down the six differences, and the story I want to hear is about the kid at lower left. Why is he so obviously sad? Is he the nervous one in his group of friends, anxious that their parents will find out they’ve snuck into a horror movie? Is he alone sensitive enough to see the true tragedy in the Frankenstein story — that the Monster needs love from the world but turns violent because it meets only fear and disgust? Does he already know that, thanks to his decision to buy an enormous drink, his need to urinate will become unbearable right around the time the movie reaches its climax?

Beetle Bailey, 9/6/12

Beetle Bailey is littered with characters that were added to “keep up with the times” in some long-ago decade, so it’s interesting to revisit them once in a while as a little time capsule of our nation’s past. I had always assumed that Rocky, who has a vague greaser vibe, was added in the ’50s because the kids loved James Dean and the rock and roll music. Today’s strip is a nice reminder that, while old-timey teens in leather jackets seem quaint today (who could be less threatening than Henry Winkler?), at the time mainstream American was completely terrified of their mostly imagined propensity for brutal violence. I’m pretty sure the nunchucks are a modern addition to Rocky’s arsenal, though.

Archie, 9/6/12

Oh, man, globalization, amiright everybody? This tale of American failure is made all the more pointed by the fact that Archie’s dad looks like a balder version of Thomas Dewey. “Look, you all voted for that bastard Truman, don’t blame me for this sorry state of affairs.”

Spider-Man, 9/6/12

“I mean, I already foiled one of his schemes — why won’t he just surrender now? Man, this job would be a lot easier if all my enemies were as lazy as I am.”

Post Content

Herb and Jamaal, 9/5/12

I know that attempting to reason your way through the wordy, pointless setups to the limp punchlines in your typical Herb and Jamaal strip is a pointless exercise that can only lead to petulant resentment, but … damn you, Herb and Jamaal, for getting me to actually comparison-shop suspenders and belts on Amazon. FOR THE RECORD, low-end suspenders are a few dollars cheaper than low-end belts, but surely the difference isn’t enough to make a meaningful difference in Jamaal’s clothing budget. Although maybe the choice is between buying new suspenders and buying new, larger pants? ARGH I’M THINKING ABOUT IT AGAIN ARGH ARGH ARGH

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/5/12

I know as someone without kids I’m not supposed to judge people’s parenting styles, but it strikes me as poor form for Snuffy to be openly gleeful that his son (or nephew? is Jughaid their nephe?) will be brutally bullied at school because of an outfit that he would rather not wear. Maybe he’s just excited that soon Jughaid will grow to loathe school, which will put him on a path to becomimg a semi-literate unemployable layabout and thus a true member of the Smith clan.

Mary Worth, 9/5/12

“In order to live a truly meaningful life, a young girl like you needs to find a husband! Have you considered calling Dave? He may be more attracted to you now that you’ve been on television!”

The Lockhorns, 9/5/12

We all know that Leroy is in constant emotional pain, because of his awful marriage, but it turns out that he’s also in constant physical pain, because he’s old and out of shape.

Post Content

The Phantom, 9/4/12

Hey, everybody, the Phantom is starting a new plot! This one’s of the type that fascinate me the most, where the strip genuinely tries to grapple with the sociopolitical realities of post-colonial Africa. In this plot, the Llongo, a tribe living in rural Bangalla, are negotiating with some businessdudes over a treasure trove of rare earth metals sitting under Llongo land. Today we learn that, like many African people, the Llongo suffered from violent attempts to expropriate their resources during the colonial era. Will the new multinational elite treat them badly in their own way? I’m guessing “yes,” since otherwise there’ll be no plot! Still, the best thing about this strip is the Phantom talking about “the law!” while putting a large book on a shelf with dozens of other volumes that look just like it, making him appear to be The Ghost-Who-Advertises-Legal-Services-On-Local-TV. No doubt he will eventually be enforcing various contract provisions and environmental regulations … with his fists.

Momma, 9/4/12

Since Francis’s predominant personality trait is sloth, we must determine how his flailing energetically about in a backyard pool fits in with his larger plans to never do any work whatsoever if he can avoid it. Does Francis believe that if he sends this photo to Michael Phelps the swimmer will invite him to become part of his posse and possibly put him in charge of bong maintenance? Or are we seeing another side of Francis’s character — the side where he wants nothing to do with Momma in non-Momma-giving-money-to-Francis contexts — and this is an attempt to appear so aggressively deranged that Momma stops hanging out with him?

Archie, 9/4/12

I thought at first that Jughead looked so pissed in the final panel because of his contempt for low-calorie foodstuffs, but then I decided that he rightfully believes that the terrible sub-pun he’s being forced to recite is beneath even his dignity.