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Gil Thorp, 4/14/08

Gil Thorp is wading into the controversial topic of illegal immigration in typically baffling style. I’m not quite sure what Whitey McButtchin is getting at. Is our avuncular Rotarian saying that immigrants should follow Vargas’s legal path to US residency? That the 1986 amnesty allowed Armando and other illegal immigrants from his generation to become integrated members of U.S. society? That the Rotary Club should be given control of America’s borders? Whatever it is, Gil looks pissed, possibly because the mention of a Spanish surname prompted unsolicited commentary on immigration policy from his seatmate, but more likely because he’s bored and hungry. “Oh yeah, this is why I don’t take an interest in my students’ lives,” he reminds himself.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/14/08

Snuffy Smith today also ventures into political territory, with the Patriot Act and other domestic spying programs finally proving too much for the backwoods libertarian. His anger is largely academic, as his proud decision to live “off the grid” in Hootin’ Holler largely shields him from the prying high-tech eyes of the NSA; this is a strategy that already has served him well in his long-standing attempts to avoid paying excise tax to the revenuers on his corn likker. The parson, however, casts his gaze upwards and subtly reminds him of Yahweh, the Ultimate Spy, whose omniscience takes in all of our deeds and even thoughts; this causes Snuffy’s hat to vibrate in a righteous fear of the LORD.

Apartment 3-G, 4/14/08

My guess is that Lu Ann’s smirk in panel three indicates her joy in hearing about people who are even dumber than she is. But it could just be some kind of facial spasm caused by the aftereffects of the brain damage.

Marmaduke, 4/14/08

Marmaduke allowed himself a brief moment of introspection and even remorse before he began devouring the old man in earnest.

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Cathy, 4/13/08

I know it’s not “cool” to admit to being amused by Cathy, but I have to say that wading through all that text to get to the final word balloon was really worth it today. If the thought of Cathy reduced to such penury that she can only quench her thirst by desperately licking at her own salty, salty tears doesn’t bring a smile to your face, then you have a heart of stone, my friend.

Hi and Lois, 4/13/08

High on the list of Things I Have Spent Too Much Time Thinking About This Sunday: Why is Hi unshaven in this comic? Is this to represent the many hours he’s spent fretting over the family taxes? But in the opening panels, he’s clearly just getting started, but still sports a Don Johnson-esque stubble. Does it instead indicate that on weekends he takes a more relaxed attitude towards facial hair? But then, would he still put on a shirt and tie to do his taxes in his home office? I WANT ANSWERS DARN IT.

Further down on the list, but still nagging: “Tax Bat,” what the hell.

Slylock Fox, 4/13/08

The answer to this puzzle, if you can’t read it, involves Slylock swimming over to that overturned car and breathing the air out of the tires. This seems a little dubious to me, not least because he’ll have to engage in paw-to-tentacle combat with that octopus, which appears to be getting amorous with the submerged vehicle. My proposed solution? Just limit Max’s air intake. I’m sure that a little oxygen deprivation won’t do his already feeble brain any harm.

Meanwhile, that huge-eyed baby beaver will be haunting my dreams for weeks. The fact that it’s reproduced four times makes the top quarter of this comic more terrifying than Eraserhead.

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Dick Tracy, 4/12/08

Many have complained that Chief Liz has been relegated to the typical hapless female victim role in the current insane Dick Tracy storyline, despite being, you know, the actual chief of police. Today, she gamely tries her hand at Tracy-style crime fighting by attempting to actually rip the villain’s face off of the front of his skull. She is soon neutralized by a well-place elbow to the chin, but, hey, points for giving it a go.

The Phantom, 4/12/08

Liz needs to take some tips from our lady cop/waitress pair if she really wants to know how to take down a baddie, though: pump hot lead into him, then taunt him as he lies bleeding at your feet. The Ghost Who Only Hires Sadists has a slight smile, indicating that Kay and Hawa have at last passed the callousness threshold needed to enter the Jungle Patrol.

Family Circus, 4/12/08

“Didn’t they know you were a girl, and thus should only have been educated to the extent necessary for child-rearing and food preparation?”

And a couple of fun panels for you:

Panel from Spider-Man, 4/12/08

I wish we could get to see the proceedings of New York State Superior Court, Bribery Division, in which a jury will determine if Simon Krandis can, in fact, buy his way out of prison. Certainly it would be more interesting than the three weeks of Peter Parker whining and watching TV that we’re actually going to get.

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/12/08

Among the small but very enthusiastic group holding a pretty specific fetish, today will go down in history as The Day June Morgan Ate A Cheeseburger With Her Big Sexy Teeth. Rex looks miffed that nobody wants to see a close-up of him pecking away at his spinach salad.