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Judge Parker, 1/13/25

A comics tic meant to telegraph character emotional state that I always find a little odd is when they rub the back of their neck in embarrassment, as Sam is doing in panel two here. I get that they have to do these somewhat exaggerated act-outs to convey what’s happening, but I’m a little puzzled as to what he’s embarrassed about, exactly. “Sorry I just assume you don’t follow my advice or the law”? “Sorry I’m about to accuse your family members of complicity in various crimes”? “Sorry I forgot to tell you that the police have established a 24/7 perimeter around the town because they’re obsessed with capturing your daughter specifically, or maybe because we just live in a panopticon dictatorship now, but either way you should be a lot more subtle with your criming”?

Mary Worth, 1/13/25

“Once, a long time ago, I saw my parents. But then they put a blanket between me and them, which caused them to vanish from the universe. But then the blanket moved, and I could see them again, which meant they existed again. It was very scary and terrifying to me! How could they just blink in and out of existence like that? Am I supposed to believe that they’re sometimes still there, even when I’m not looking at them? That’s insane! If something exists, I should be able to see it! It makes me furious! So you see why I was so mad when your glasses just came out of nowhere and appeared on your face? It made no sense to me, to the protagonist of reality!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/13/25

“I just kind of assumed I hated my daughter! But she finally left and now I feel terrible! Is it possible that I … like her, somehow?”

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Mary Worth, 1/12/25

This Mary Worth storyline is sadly all too realistic in its depiction of emotional abuse and manipulation. But it’s extremely unrealistic in its depiction of someone who isn’t wearing her usual corrective lenses. I’m sorry, if Dawn’s vision is so bad that she’s just squirting ketchup all over the table in a vague attempt to season her fries, I refuse to believe she has any ability to see anything other than vague colors or shapes, or has any idea where she is or who she’s even talking to. I was also going to say that the transition that got us to “Duckgirl” isn’t realistic either, but I guess I need to keep in mind that Dirk is extremely stupid, so I’ll allow it for now.

Daddy Daze, 1/12/25

I swear that I am usually capable of processing a deliberate incongruity in the fictional world of a comic strip as a “joke,” but my least favorite instance of this is when an animal or some other entity that shouldn’t be able to read or write at all can, but is bad at it (probably the canonical version is the Far Side “CAT FUD” panel). That’s why I kind of approve of this strip, in which the Daddy Daze baby, who we are meant to understand is capable of advanced cognition that he communicates in a series of “ba”s, appears to have produced a professional-quality pamphlet, and hasn’t just handed over a piece of paper with squiggles all over it. Of course, you all know my theory that the baby is just a baby and the Daddy Daze daddy is insane, but nothing we see here precludes the possibility that the daddy produced the pamphlet himself in some kind of fugue state.

Hi and Lois, 1/12/25

Do you ever feel envious of Trixie, who lives outside the world of adult responsibilities and even childhood fears and enjoys a simple existence with her best friend, the light of the Sun itself? Well, it turns out that actually she perceives all sources of light and heat as separate conscious and jealous entities, and is constantly caught in their complex web of social relations as they jockey for status. Sounds real stressful, honestly, so maybe we should rethink our attitudes about her life.

Shoe, 1/12/25

I was about to make fun of Shoe for saying you can’t make money on the Internet, but then I remembered that he’s a newspaper editor, so he probably knows from pretty hard experience about not making money on the Internet.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/11/25

Oh, I’m sorry, did you find the recent week’s worth of Rex Morgan, M.D., Characters Talking On The Phone boring? Well, did it ever occur to you that they found it boring too, and it’s actually really hard and stressful on them to be in this strip? Thank goodness Summer gets to take a break from the relentless changes in facial expression and hand position demanded of her and can now spend three panels blissfully staring out into space.

Pluggers, 1/11/25

I like this one because you could read it as Chicken-Lady just now taking the tree down … or just now putting it up. “I mean, it’s a full five days after Epiphany! But I guess I should put the star up there just to finish the job.”

Slylock Fox, 1/11/25

I’m sorry, I don’t believe any iteration of that child caught a fish bigger than himself. I think he’s just trying to sabotage this guy’s dating profile pic. He’s right to do it! Guys like to post fish pics but women don’t like ’em!! You’re dodging a bullet, buddy!

Blondie, 1/11/25

You foolish children! X-eyes don’t denote sleepiness! Don’t you understand what you’ve done? That snowman is dead! [starts sobbing uncontrollably] He’s dead! He’ll never wake up.