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Dustin, 10/30/19

Say, remember when male Baby Boomers were young and their parents made fun of them for growing their hair long and otherwise not conforming to stifling 1950s codes of what a man should be or look like? Well, those Boomers all lost their hair and now it’s their turn to police everyone else’s masculinity. Whether you’re treating the the availability of a little cinnamon and nutmeg in your coffee like a full grade crisis because girls like it or you think that guy with a small dog up the street ought to be feeling a lot more shame than he apparently does, you’re certainly making your father happy, wherever he is, probably hell.

Dennis the Menace, 10/30/19

Speaking of hell, here’s what all the demons down there will look like. The amount of work Mr. Wilson put into this is absolutely terrifying, and that’s assuming he’s gone to the trouble of creating a perfect Dennis wig and isn’t wearing the poor lad’s scalp as a hat.

Mary Worth, 10/30/19

ME, YESTERDAY: Ha ha, I’m going to make a joke, here on my blog where I make fun of comics, about how Wilbur is going to have an emotional meltdown on this double date with his ex! But probably nothing that interesting will happen.

ME, TODAY: oh my god Wilbur is so worked up he’s going to start guzzling scotch straight from the bottle to prepare himself, this is going to be more amazing than I possibly could’ve imagined

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Mary Worth, 10/29/19

Oh boy oh boy oh boy, I am very excited to watch the total emotional meltdown our boy Wilbur is going to experience during his double date with Iris and her handsome young stud and, uh, some other lady who’s temporarily slipping his mind right now, probably she’s not very important. The biggest question that we’re going to need answered: when his brain breaks, what form will it take? Will the massive flood of negative feelings be directed outward, at Iris and Zak, leading to him getting kicked out of the restaurant at best and slapped with a restraining order at worst? Or will it all go inward, at himself, leaving his ex and her perfectly nice boyfriend to spend an evening awkwardly consoling him as he weeps loudly into his appetizer? (Estelle at this point will have excused herself to the bathroom, where she’ll escape out the window and flee to the nearby frontage road so she can summon an Uber.)

Blondie, 10/29/19

I guess the joke here is that the only thing that could make it worth Lou’s while to deal with job-killing government regulations is Dagwood’s insatiable appetite. But my initial interpretation, which I find much funnier, is that Dagwood is just now learning that for whatever reason in his town the health department subjects food trucks to much stricter scrutiny than restaurants, so when a food truck parks in front of his office, he’s excited to finally enjoy a lunch that won’t cause him terrible diarrhea.

Dustin, 10/29/19

“Autumn is here … it’s the season for apprehension and dread.”

“You’re thinking about Halloween?”

“No, I’m thinking about how watching the leaves wither and fall from the trees makes me realize that all life is ephemeral, about how winter is coming and how it feels colder in my bones every year as I age, about how I know that while spring comes around again every year, eventually it won’t come around for me. Uh, I mean, pumpkin spice, am I right? So basic! I’m definitely not haunted by visions of my own demise!”

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Family Circus, 10/28/19

Definitely what makes this panel worthwhile is the slight smile, right on the cusp between smugness and cruelty, on Big Daddy Keane’s face. “That’s right,” he’s thinking, as he looks knowingly out of the panel straight at us. “Thel’s out for the night and I’m getting these little shits all hepped up on ice cream and you know what? They fuckin’ love me for it. When they can’t fall asleep tonight because of all the sugar coursing through their veins? That’s Thel’s problem. When they demand ice cream for dinner for the rest of the week? That’s Thel’s problem. Serves her right for leaving the house for two hours!”

Sam and Silo, 10/28/19

Big news, everyone! I’ve been reading Sam and Silo for nearly a year, and I’ve finally learned that the guy with the mustache and the hat and the robe (?) and the bible (???) has a name, and that name is “Funny Floyd.” Still don’t really have a handle on literally anything else about his whole deal but with this piece of the puzzle in place maybe we’re on our way to finally cracking the case!

Pluggers, 10/28/19

GOD DAMN IT PLUGGERS

THESE ARE LITERALLY THE ONLY THREE OPTIONS AVAILABLE TO ANYONE, PLUGGER OR NON-PLUGGER ALIKE, WHEN THEY GET TOO BIG FOR A BELT

THERE IS NO PLUGGER-SPECIFIC CONTENT IN THIS PANEL AT ALL

YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF