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Archive: Lockhorns

166

10/12, uh, blaze it? Do I have that right?

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 10/12/25

Look, by anthropomorphic animal logic, it’s fine to have an anthropomorphic animal wearing a shirt but no pants or underwear. But what you can’t do is have such a character standing right next to another character who’s talking about the fact that animals in this universe wear underwear, because then all anyone is gonna think about is WHY IS THAT DUCK NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR OH MY GOD

Panel from The Lockhorns, 10/12/25

I’m not going to say that The Lockhorns are great art by any stretch of the imagination, but I will say that there are certain things that the workshop that generates Lockhorns panels absolutely nails, and one of those things is a facial expression I call “chewing joylessly.”

Rhymes With Orange, 10/12/25

You know, newspaper comics as a medium were thriving in 1933. Do you think that once the 21st Amendment was enacted, there were a bunch of extremely square strips that were like, “Ha ha, alcohol! The intoxicant we all know about!” I assume not, because I assume the majority of contemporary comics artists were raging drunks.

204

Generation gaps

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Judge Parker, 9/27/25

Look, we’re all young and hip here [laughs nervously], but the truth is that the soap opera strips are a very traditional medium and it’s fine when they rely on very traditional visual tropes. For instance, “This guy is having a hard time and we need an efficient way to convey that visually. How about we just have him pour himself a big honkin’ glass of brown liquor, in mid-conversation? We’ve got two panels and I think that’ll do it.”

Mary Worth, 9/27/25

Oh, it turns out Mary and Olive and Stanley crashed outside of cell phone range, actually, but fortunately Olive’s psychic powers aren’t constrained by physical distance. So she’s going to use them to summon Max and Greta to her aid, and, look, I fully endorse the overall Mary Worth message that dogs are good, but, like, climbing trees isn’t exactly one of their strengths, right? Shouldn’t she have befriended Estelle and Ed’s cats instead?

The Lockhorns, 9/27/25

Guys, I don’t know how much more obvious they can make it: THE LOCKHORNS. ARE. MILLENNIALS.

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Not going to try to transcribe a comical French accent, just imagine it

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Judge Parker, 9/18/25

I’m never exactly sure how old Sam and Abbey are supposed to be — yes, they’re the parents of two women who are both in their early to mid 20s, but they’re the adoptive parents of those two women and more to the point adopted them when those two women were tweens, so reproductive biology isn’t necessarily a factor and Sam and Abbey could be as young as their … early 40s, maybe? My point is that Abbey in panel two looks a lot like an elder millennial influencer with a lot of lip filler doing a front-facing camera reel about “My adopted daughter? Taking care of our friend’s granddaughter who’s been abandoned by her parents due to a series of espionage-related shenanigans? Let me stop you right there with a big ‘no’ — and that’s the tea, sis.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/18/25

Oh! How embarrassing for Yvonne! She didn’t know that roots, or possibly Americana, or maybe both of them, is/are called “Ameripolitan” now! Incredible social faux pas here, she won’t be able to show her face in public for weeks. If you want to avoid the inevitable social shunning that would follow on from such a mistake, be sure to write your newspaper and demand that they carry Rex Morgan, M.D., the only comic strip that gets into the minute gradations of various musical genres that nobody listens to and if they did listen to them they’d be like “this is all the same kind of music, why are you calling these songs different things.”

The Lockhorns, 9/18/25

I guess the joke here is that Leroy has insulted this supercilious French waiter and is now being challenged to a duel, but here is my preferred interpretation: after spending just a few minutes listening to Leroy and Loretta bicker, he returned to the table with those pistols and said, “My friends, in my country, I would suggest that you deal with your marital unhappiness with what the French call ‘an arrangement,’ but as we are in America, we shall come to an American solution. You must shoot each other, with guns.”