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The Lockhorns, 8/23/25

Look, I don’t know how they can make it any more obvious that the Lockhorns are millennials. Today’s panel deploys one of the most joyless ways to hammer the point home, just having Loretta doing a marginally cool catchphrase from 2010 or whatever. Is she going to talk about heckin’ doggos next? Will Leroy extol the epicness of bacon? They’re not even antagonizing each other today. Remember when this strip was about how much they disliked each other? We need to recapture that spirit, and if that means shifting the Lockhorns further down the timestream to the unmoored nihilism of Gen Z, I say do it.

Hi and Lois, 8/23/25

Thirsty, no! Liquor before beer, never fear … beer before liquor, never sicker! I guess he’s already sick, though. (His sickness is the serious disease of alcoholism.)

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The Lockhorns, 7/26/25

The random, silent bystanders who show up in The Lockhorns represent one of the strip’s great mysteries. Like, who is this lady, who we’ve never seen before and never will again, but who apparently thought she might get some quality time in with Loretta, only to discover that she was about to take her unconscious husband to a matinee showing of the latest superhero movie? Honestly, I enjoy speculating, but I’m also glad we’ll never find out. Anyway, this, and not some geek-savvy discourse, is the only way I want to think about the box office performance of franchise films. Are Superman’s ticket numbers being artificially inflated by women physically carrying their comatose husbands into the theater, an action that represents the latest aggression in a long-running conflict in a way that even they can’t explain? I’d be happy to read 2,000 words in Variety on the subject.

The Phantom, 7/26/25

Speaking of superhero franchises, The Phantom has been running for 89 years now, and I’m pleased to see that it’s taking the steps necessary to stay up to date. “Don’t share too much personal information online, or you might end up enslaved by warlords in a mine in Africa” is a timely message that today’s comics readers need to hear.

Dustin, 7/26/25

Ha ha, look at Dustin’s expression in that last panel! He’s definitely going to leave his father to die in that hammock, and you know what? Good for him.

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Archie, 7/10/25

I honestly enjoy the fact that some nameless gal is clearly scoping Archie and Reggie out in the first panel, and that Reggie reacts approvingly to Archie’s lustful career decision making, rather than with his usual annoyance at his frenemy’s antics. These kids exist in a sea of horniness! At last, the strip is being up front about it!

Luann, 7/10/25

Speaking of seas of horniness, Bernice seems to be approaching a Lucky Eddie situation, vis-à-vis human-on-fish action, and I can’t say I’m as approving of this one. Sorry to be “vanilla,” but I gotta draw the line somewhere!

Mary Worth, 7/10/25

“It’ll be nice to see old friends again! Or rather … young friends! Who are … older now, I guess? But still young? Look, Mary, I’m gonna be real with you, I have taken several Ativans and I am having a hard time finding my bearings in this conversation.”

The Lockhorns, 7/10/25

“Just on his face and arms, though. And I made sure he had tube socks on so his feet stay nice and pasty, the way his OnlyFans subscribers like!”