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Hagar the Horrible and Beetle Bailey, 10/12/20

Hope you had a good weekend, everybody! Hagar and his band of grinning Vikings are going to murder these two in their bed. Sarge, meanwhile, is going to murder Beetle with a tank, though it’s not clear if he’s going to disintegrate his body by firing an artillery shell at him at point blank range or just crush him to death under the tank treads.

Mark Trail, 10/12/20

In happier news, it’s new-look Mark Trail day one, y’all! Wow, just last week Mark was getting a big fat raise just for winning some dumb industry award he didn’t even show up to collect, but now he’s off in the woods handling snakes and desperately trying to come up with some viral TikTok content that the kids can relate to. Sad!

Gil Thorp, 10/12/20

Oh hell yeah it’s another Wing-T storyline!!!! You might remember way back in 2007 when one of the shittiest Milford football teams in living memory sort of threw in the towel halfway threw the season and spent a lot of time practicing the Wing-T, an old-timey trickeration play, in total secrecy, to prepare to unleash it at just the right moment. They did, eventually, and it turned out to be boring and confusing, but whatever, this isn’t your father’s Wing-T they’re practicing now, it’s the Delaware Wing-T, which means, uh, there’s no taxes on it or something? More on this story as it develops.

Pluggers, 10/12/20

Gotta say, I’ve been reading Pluggers for more than 15 years and never once in all that time did it occur to me to think about whether the plugger chicken-lady had scaly orange chicken legs under her pants or if she was just basically a humanoid with a chicken head and covered with feathers. But now? Now that I know the answer? I’m going to think about it every God-damned day for the rest of my life.

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Mary Worth, 10/8/20

[Reads panel one] Well, Tommy, I think it’s admirable you’re moving forward into this difficult conversation by openly talking about your own feelings and being vulnerable about what the stakes here are are for you emotionally, and [gets to panel two] NOOO TOMMY NO ABORT ABORT ABORT

Mark Trail, 10/8/20

That’s right, you simpering fools! You dared cross Mark and now you understand your terrible mistake! Now you must shower him with apologies! Praise! Money! Only if he cracks a smile will you know that you have returned to his good graces! Keep trying! Try harder!

Beetle Bailey, 10/8/20

Looks like the troops from Camp Swampy are going to be deployed to Afghanistan! Not sure if this means that the Afghan peace process is going well or really, really badly.

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Dennis the Menace, 10/3/20

I want to confess something right here on this blog, before the whole dang internet: for many years, until, I wanna say, the mid-to-late ’00s, I assumed a “spin class” was some kind of aerobics thing where the exercise consisted primarily of spinning around in a circle, and it wasn’t until my father-in-law started taking one after his heart surgery that I learned that, like, stationary bikes are involved? Anyway, the point is that Dennis here, a mere child, is managing to pull off some passable menacing that’s reasonably informed by this specific situation here, whereas I was experiencing a dumb Jeffy Keane-level vocabulary misunderstanding until well into my 30s.

Mark Trail, 10/3/20

You know, I made fun of everybody for yelling at Mark for not coming to some boring industry dinner where they hand out pointless awards in an unedifying display of industry mutual back-patting, but I withdraw my mockery because obviously in the Trailiverse the annual Conservation Awards are a nationally televised event on par with the Oscars. I do want to point out, however, that it’s good that the characters presumably can’t hear the narration boxes, because I think Cherry would be pretty hurt to be referred to as Mark’s “friend.”