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Archive: Mark Trail

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Into the eyes … of Cherry Trail

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Shoe, 6/8/20

As I’ve said here before, probably the thing I’ll be remembered for the longest is coining the term nephewism for a fictional scenario where a child lives with an uncle or aunt and their parents are neve mentioned, and while I used it first to identify the relationship between Peter Parker and Aunt May and Uncle Ben, it really applies to the Perfesser and Skyler in Shoe even better, as nobody ever made a series of Shoe movies starring Andrew Garfield as Skyler where they tried and largely failed to get people excited about what happened to his parents. Anyhoo, it seems like nephewism is hereditary in the Shoeniverse, as Roz assumes that the Perfesser is talking about his own uncle, who she probably knows as his own closest relative, and she assumes that he’s helping to care for him in his old age. But he’s not. We’ve never seen this uncle in this strip, and the Perfesser clearly never thinks about him much. He’s not his dad, after all. I think you can tell by his heavy-liddle look of despair that he might be starting to realize that someday Skyler will treat him the same way.

Mark Trail, 6/8/20

Folks, Mark has been really casual about Andy going missing and now we know why: he’s hoping to mine #content from the poor dog’s trauma! Mark can brag all he wants about writing being a “good career for me to provide for my family,” but nothing generates revenue like viral clickbait pet stories, so Andy better Incredible Journey it back to Lost Forest real quick.

Slylock Fox, 6/8/20

Wait, none of Count Weirdly’s fucked up inventions are grounded??? Good lord, it’s a miracle he hasn’t burned his castle down!

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BIG DOG ADVENTURES!!!!!!

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Beetle Bailey, 6/4/20

Being a general is a decently big deal. And yeah, technically, when I say “general” I mean “general officer”; only a four-star is truly a “general,” amd Halftrak is a one-star Brigadier General, but the point remains: by law there can be no more than 231 in the Army as a whole, which is more than I expected but still isn’t a lot. What I’m trying to say is that this comic strip inspired me to read the “general officer” article on Wikipedia and click on several of the links therein, and I definitely learned quite a bit but also came across nothing that altered my original thought here, which is that it’s probably kind of concerning that General Halftrack’s staff is just forging his signature on things.

Mary Worth, 6/4/20

After what I’m pretty sure were seven solid weeks of Dawn’s love triangle concluding in the dullest way possible, this week’s storyline has given me serious whiplash as it zigs and zags through various possibilities! Is it about Toby failing as a baker? Is it about Saul Wynter’s dying family? Or is it about the god-damn millennials [aide whispers in my ear] ahem, I have been informed that many millennials are now well into their 30s at this point and they’re calling the new crop of kids “zoomers,” so, as I was saying, is it about the god-damn zoomers, always staring at their phones and swearing and disrespecting their elders, who never did any such thing? Is Mary gonna have to teach this tween terror some respect?

Mark Trail, 6/4/20

Folks, as prophesied, it’s time for an Andy story in Mark Trail! The story so far is that Andy accidentally got closed up in the back of this truck, which drove far away from Lost Forest, and now appears to be ready to maul the hapless truck driver to death. Sorry, truck driver! It wasn’t your fault Andy wandered into your truck, but you will be suffering the consequences!

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Sheep, those notoriously playful animals

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Mark Trail, 5/24/20

Hey, kids, you might think that Communism in general, and longtime Hungarian Socialist Workers’ Party General Secretary János Kádár in particular, are pretty cool. But would any just political system have made these adorable fuzzy pigs into an endangered species? Say what you will about the authoritarian tendencies of current Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán, but the mangalitsa is back, baby!

Funky Winkerbean, 5/24/20

The current story of Hollywood is that mid-budget movies have essentially ceased to exist, which means that directors usually leap directly from tiny indies to huge comic-book blockbusters; this has been the trajectory of Taika Waititi (who went from twee, offbeat New Zealand comedies to Thor: Ragnarok) and Colin Trevorrow (who made Safety Not Guaranteed for $750,000 and then did Jurassic World and almost got to do a Star Wars). But in the Funkyverse, where everything is backwards and people apparently find Les Moore not just likable but admirable, Mason is going to convince his pal to go the other way, from making millions from Starbuck Jones, an exciting movie that apparently many people enjoyed, to directing the maudlin, unwatchable Lisa’s Story, sure, why not!

Dennis the Menace, 5/24/20

Guys, today’s Dennis the Menace, in which Dennis never appears and his parents are the real dog-neglecting menace, tantalizes us with the vision of a version of this strip that’s just day after day of Mr. Wilson coming up with petty acts of revenge on everyone who’s ever wronged him, and honestly? I’ve never wanted anything more.