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Archive: Mark Trail

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Remember when Mr. Potter says “garlic eater” like it’s supposed to be an insult

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Blondie, 12/10/19

There’s a fleeting, poignant little moment embedded in an already emotionally fraught scene in It’s A Wonderful Life that I think about a lot. After George has gone to Martini’s and ends up coming to blows with Mr. Welch, the husband of the teacher George has just berated for no reason over the phone, Martini throws Welch out of the bar and in the process declares that George is “his best friend,” which, c’mon, we all know that George thinks of Martini as nothing more than one of the Savings and Loan’s more colorful and ethnic shareholders and has literally never done anything social with him outside of the bar. Anyway, I’d like to imagine that It’s A Wonderful Lasagna is a remake where George and Martini really are best friends, and at the end of the movie the Baileys head down to Bailey Park to enjoy a delicious homemade lasagna that Mrs. Martini has prepared. Would that be great? Martini probably would think so, though George would no doubt prefer to stay on the nice side of town and eat unseasoned roast chicken or whatever the solid citizens of Bedford Falls think of as haute cuisine.

Mark Trail, 12/10/19

Do yetis whistle? Is whistling part of yeti lore? Does anyone remember that this storyline is supposed to be about yetis? I’VE PUT UP WITH A LOT OF BULLSHIT HERE AND I WANT TO SEE A DAMN YETI

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Raising up and droppin’ drawers

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Pluggers, 12/5/19

Finally, folks, finally, at long last, Pluggers has weighed in on the trend of wearing baggy pants that sag low enough to expose your underwear, the trend that (according to the impressively detailed and cited Wikipedia article) began over 20 years ago in the mid 1990s, long enough ago that many who were young and hip when it started have since aged into pluggertude, long enough ago that the trend has had time to mostly peter out and then be revived, and here is what Pluggers has to say about it: pluggers simply do not care for it. They do. not. care. for. it. Congratulations, Pluggers, on producing possibly the least surprising Pluggers panel in the entire history of this feature.

Mark Trail, 12/5/19

IMPORTANT NATURE TIP FROM MARK TRAIL: Does it feel like it’s gotten colder? This may be because of a change in the seasons or natural temperature variation; but it’s also possible that you’ve moved to a higher elevation. Be sure to stay vigilant and aware of your surroundings!

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“Hello? Over here? I’m not actually that elusive, honestly”

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Mark Trail, 12/4/19

Wait, is that … a snow leopard right there, in the foreground of panel two? I honestly can’t tell if it’s a snow leopard or a regular leopard or what, and I need to know so I can assess how ironic Dr. Camel’s dismissal of Mark’s hopes is supposed to be. Anyway, I’m enjoying Marks’s subtle act of rebellion as he expresses his desire to photograph a snow leopard, a real but elusive animal, and not a yeti, the fake animal that is the ostensible reason he was sent on this assignment in the first place.

Mary Worth, 12/4/19

Zak continues to obliterate all competition in the ongoing worldwide Boyfriend Of The Year contest by being young, hot, wealthy thanks to his own hard work, sexually solicitous — and, now, for offering to take many mundane tasks off his girlfriend’s plate, such as monitoring the behavior of her troubled adult son. “What’s up, brah?” the hunky millionaire will ask as he swings by Tommy’s menial supermarket job. “Still fighting off the demons of addiction backed up by the power of Christ? Radical!” Some finger-guns will complete the successful parenting-by-proxy session.