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Six Chix, 6/11/19

Look, guys, this is Josh, your atheist Jewish pal here, telling you that Christian cultural signifiers are deeply embedded in American society but if you, personally, want to play with them in your art or narrative, it would help you to … understand them? Like, for instance, the phrase “born again” is almost exclusively associated with Evangelical Protestants, whereas the clerical uniform of all-black-plus-collar is primarily Roman Catholic, and while you might catch some high church Episcopalians in the same get-up, they won’t be the ones describing themselves as “born again,” trust me on this. Anyway, I’m so busy seething about this, that I’ve decided not to even bother trying to figure out what exactly this joke is supposed to mean! Just gonna skip right over it! Sorry, joke that appears to be about priest-fucking, I can’t be bothered!

Mary Worth, 6/11/19

YES, IT’S HAPPENING! How long do you think it’s going to take for them to figure out they live in the same condo complex? That they know Mary in common? That Mary has been subtly manipulating every aspect of their lives for years, forcing them both to hit emotional rock bottom, until they finally reached the point in their lives when they were ready to settle for one another?

Beetle Bailey, 6/11/19

Ha ha, it’s funny because Beetle is in the military and his mother is terrified he’ll be killed in combat!

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Mark Trail, 6/10/19

This current Mark Trail plot is moving along at what I wouldn’t call … the fastest pace of all time. About a month ago Mark ran away from bees then a couple weeks after that the gang found Skull Mountain and that’s been about it! Up until this crazy flood, that is. You’d think a flash flood would definitely be a sign that the drama has officially been amped up, but the whole thing with the bees only lasted a couple of days, so I’m reserving my judgement. I do like how Leola’s word balloon ends in an interrobang, indicating that something truly surprising, more surprising than a flash flood, is happening just off panel! Maybe it’s Mark continuing to run away from her, leaving her to drown in the flood? Sorry, Leola, the fewer survivors there are in this expedition the fewer people there’ll be to split the gold!

Family Circus, 6/10/19

There are like a dozen little hints in virtually every Family Circus panel that they represent repurposed art, or at least repurposed jokes, from an earlier era, an era when parents felt that children needed to be able to explore and test their limits unsupervised by grown-ups even at a very young age, and if that meant that some of them didn’t survive to adulthood, well, that’s why you start off having four of them, you know? I particularly appreciate how shiny the countertop is, teasing us that Dolly’s slippered feet are going to lose their purchase at any moment.

Beetle Bailey, 6/10/19

I feel like having Beetle surrounded by sand, in a loose pile and in a bag and in a wheelbarrow, wasn’t strictly necessary to make this joke work? In fact, since the joke is a metaphor, it’s actually actively distracting. If you’re gonna do it, why not go all the way with it? Why not have Lt. Fuzz be dousing himself with oil while grinning maniacally and extolling the efficiency of our armed services? It would make Sarge’s world-weary expression all the more appropriate.

Mary Worth, 6/10/19

Folks, if Wilbur and Estelle are currently at Delicious Grill chowing down on some sandwiches and making romantic eyes at each other, I am going to 100% lose my shit

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Mary Worth, 6/6/19

Estelle has yet another Silverdater prospect on the line and she says that the goal is not to carry on a long-running virtual relationship and then wire him ten grand, but to rather meet him in person and have a regular romance where no large sums of money are exchanged, but then also … they’re getting to the point where they’re singing on the phone? I feel like once you get to the singing on the phone part you should probably just meet in person. But you do you, Estelle! Just don’t send him any money! That’s the bad part of “doing you,” the way you do it!

Gil Thorp, 6/6/19

Ah, yes, just as in the world of George Orwell’s Animal Farm, our “Too Cool For School” clique’s move towards liberation merely created another hierarchy, with themselves at the top. Now they’ll be forced to esteem all passions absolutely equally, even though some of them are objectively much dorkier than other, just like in the world of Kurt Vonnegut’s “Harrison Bergeron.” I guess the real lesson here is that no matter what these girls do, there will be some piece of canonical mid-20th century allegorical literature there to let them know they’re doing it wrong!

Six Chix, 6/6/19

Ha ha, it’s funny because if you drink too much wine, you’ll start to hate yourself! This has been a public service announcement from Six Chix.