Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 5/13/19

“Yeah, Summer! Remember Summer, my daughter, your stepdaughter, who’s also best friends with your daughter? I get how I threw you by looking at the calendar so you’d think I was talking about summer the season. Also, it’s easy to forget about Summer my daughter because she’s not in the strip much anymore. She only seems to call me late in the semester, probably because she really doesn’t like talking to me, and, honestly, can you blame her?”

Slylock Fox, 5/13/19

Slylock has apparently solved all the Forest Realm’s mysteries, because now he’s putting his patented powers of ratiocination to use on solving puzzles like “who dumped trash on the side of the road?” The mess he and Max are making in the process actually offers a good glimpse into how his legalistic mind operates: for Slylock, once he’s spotted a crime, he must immediately work to find the perpetrator by any means necessary, even if those means actively make the litter problem, and the lives of the citizens whom he’s ostensibly working to protect, demonstrably worse.

Mary Worth, 5/13/19

I honestly really respect that Mary is keeping her eyes on the prize here, and that prize is not Estelle’s tender heart or her future ability to trust others or whatever, but is rather the ten large that she Venmo’d to @artherzero7. Hearts heal on their own, with time, but bank accounts do not, and that’s why we’re gonna get Interpol involved in this damn thing!

Mark Trail, 5/13/19

That is going to leave a mark, Mark: A Mark-shaped mark! Ha ha, get it? Anyway, Mark just shattered his pelvis.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 5/12/19

Oh, man, check out that look of implacable determination on Mary’s face in the final panel. How dare someone break the heart of what’s-her-name, the lady who took Mary’s cat off her hands? “Arthur” will be reported, do you understand? He’ll be reported if Mary has to report him herself. And if the people she reports him to don’t take her seriously … well, then, she’s just going to have to ask to speak to their manager. Mary will stop at nothing.

The Phantom, 5/12/19

“They claimed to do these crimes to honor history!? A disgraceful argument, O Ghost Who Walks!”

“Ha-ha! I think they believed it, Guran. The criminal mind sets out to deceive others, but can be even more adept at deceiving itself! Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll head down to my treasure chambers, where my family has hoarded dozens of priceless historic artifacts that we’ve definitely acquired legitimately!”

Blondie, 5/12/19

It’s not clear what Blondie hates more: her family’s cooking, or foreigners.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 5/10/19

Aw, isn’t that sweet! Mary has decided to bring her former cat Libby a tuna casserole, and has to make a pro forma offer to share with Estelle, the human who agreed to contain Libby’s allergy-prompting dander in her apartment so as not to damper on Mary’s sex life. Sadly, Estelle is now feral with grief and isolation after spending weeks alone in her darkened apartment, so she lunges at Mary, desperate for human contact. And this, if I’m reading the angles here properly, is about to result in a tray full of gooey, piping-hot casserole hurled skyward, only to flop down on Mary and Estelle and inflict delicious second degree burns onto their faces. Libby will be happily eating tuna casserole off the floor long after Mary and Estelle have been taken to the hospital.

Blondie, 5/10/19

Gotta love how Dagwood doesn’t really have a sense of aesthetics or joy in watching a man practice his craft or anything like that. His favorite part is when they take it out of the oven, because that’s the part right before he gets to eat it. He wants to eat it. He needs to eat it. He hungerssssssss