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Shoe, 12/13/20

Any old cartoon can do a classic joke like “The ladies insist that ballet is one of the world’s great art forms, but we fellas know that it’s boring, amiright fellas?” But leave it to Shoe to put an extra grim spin on it, forcing us to imagine a scenario where the Perfesser shows up at the ballet and tells Shoe’s girlfriend in very serious tones that, alas, her boyfriend has died, but his last wishes were that he wanted the Perfesser to attend the opera in his place. She’s probably so flummoxed by this that she agrees to it, spending the first act of the performance consumed by grief, only to realize in horror that the Perfesser, apparently unmoved by the death of his best friend, has dozed off. Later on she’ll presumably learn that Shoe is still alive, which will be extremely awkward.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/13/20

Looks like Buck is about to pass his physical with flying colors! This is good news for everyone, except for those of us who were hoping for some kind of medical drama in general, and an illness that would make Buck suffer in particular.

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Dick Tracy, 12/12/20

Oh, wow, I didn’t think this hippie storyline would take a sharp turn into hard drugs, but sure, yes, absolutely, I’m extremely here for a Sam cleverly sneaking into the home of a couple of cocaine fiends who can’t decide if cocaine is delicious candy or a medical necessity, and who react to his stern law enforcement by throwing cocaine in his face. There’s only one possible outcome here: Sam gets some cocaine up his nose, and, as is the nature of these things, immediately becomes addicted to the terrible substance, and must fight this awful curse for the remainder of the storyline.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/12/20

Ha ha, yes, if there’s one thing Rex Morgan definitely has and is known for, it’s a sense of humor! Look, you can tell in panel two that he’d definitely be smiling, if his cheek muscles hadn’t atrophied from years of disuse.

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Funky Winkerbean, 12/6/20

“What if we had a character make a bad joke and then other characters point out that it’s a bad joke? That makes a good joke, right?” is of course a classic Funky Winkerbean bit, but I have to admit I don’t fully understand how it’s playing out here. Is the non-Mindy portion of the gang divided into rival “Mopey Pete is funny” and “Mopey Pete is not funny” factions? Is the simultaneous “HA! HA! HA!” meant to be read as sarcastic, mocking barks? Or is Darrin the only one here willing to speak truth to power? (Or, since everyone here works at a failing comics company, I guess that should be “speak truth to utter powerlessness.”)

Mary Worth, 12/6/20

Sure, the resolution of this plot seems to indicate that Brandy and Tommy’s love is strong, but that Billie Holiday quote sure undermines that, doesn’t it? I guess Brandy can just turn her love on and off like a faucet, based on what her therapist tells her! You better tread carefully, Tommy.

Dick Tracy, 12/6/20

Welp, I guess the spider plot is over, folks! I’m now very excited at the prospect of seeing Dick Tracy shoot some hippies, though probably not as excited as Dick is at the prospect of shooting some hippies.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/6/20

GOSH, YEAH, IMAGINE IF YOU DIDN’T LIKE BUCK BUT STILL HAD TO SEE HIS DUMB FACE IN, SAY, THE NEWSPAPER ALL THE TIME

JUST IMAGINE IT