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Family Circus, 3/11/19

Look, I long ago gave up on trying to figure out how exactly the process operates behind the scenes of long-running legacy comic strips, so I’m not sure why we got two Family Circus panels in the last three years with different art but essentially the same joke. Is this just a case of someone unconsciously coming up with the same joke twice and then redrawing a Dolly-praying-before-bed panel, or, perhaps more likely, pulling out a different entry from the presumably fairly sizable collection of Dolly-praying-before-bed panels? Or are the two panels meant to be companion pieces? Back in 2016, Dolly said the pledge because she couldn’t think of any “new” prayers. Today, she couldn’t even remember the Lord’s Prayer, perhaps the most important in the Christian canon, because all the space in her mind dedicated to devotional rituals is now occupied by nationalistic display. Truly, the Keane Kompound is under seige!

Dick Tracy, 3/11/19

The joke here is that Joe Sampson, the detective who came to town last week with lurid tales of gym teach murder, is Dick’s daughter Bonnie’s ex. But if you didn’t know that, you might think that Dick is just furious that Bonnie isn’t hanging on his every word. “Bonnie? How dare you be distracted, a man is talking.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/11/19

Hootin’ Holler is grindingly poor, with an economy revolving around subsistence farming, moonshining, and chicken theft, and it’s an open question as to how the various outsiders who come into town to serve professional roles eke out a living. Parson Tuttle makes it work with relentless and unapologetic grifting, but Doc Pritchart has it easier: his practice is just a front for nonstop Medicaid fraud.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/11/19

“That would mean someone might want to spend enough time with me to have a sexual relationship some day, and, really: have you gotten a handle on my personality over the past few hours? I don’t think that’s in the cards.”

Slylock Fox, 3/11/19

“Ha ha, it’s a baby! A baby was born on board! Pretty wild, huh? Now everyone calm down and let’s figure out which one of us has to drown. Should it be the baby?”

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Slylock Fox, 2/25/19

Slylock gets called down to the trailer park to mediate disputes between Reeky and Rachel an awful lot, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time Reeky’s version of events has actually been vindicated by Slylock’s keen eye and ratiocination prowess! I guess Rachel just became convinced that law enforcement would always take her side against “those people” (rats) and so she could get her nemesis in trouble for something he didn’t do. Of course, Reeky is going to be dragged down to the station tonight anyway, for the self-confessed crime of littering.

Mark Trail, 2/25/19

Let this be a warning to you, creators! Your “fans” might share your social posts and back you on Patreon, but if you generate so much #content that it overwhelms their ability to consume it all within their lifetime, they’ll feel no compunction about teaming up with a one-eyed man you wronged to kill you with a flamethrower!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/25/19

Ha ha, it’s funny because Snuffy and Loweezy live in an impoverished, isolated community and there definitely aren’t more chairs where that one came from! Hope you like standing, Loweezy!

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Mark Trail, 2/11/19

You know, I’ve always assumed that the reason Woods and Wildlife Magazine stays in business and even maintains its posh Manhattan editorial offices in today’s brutal media environment is that Mark continues to deliver absolutely gripping tales of adventure that readers simply can’t get in any other outlet. But today we learn that Mark just concluded a harrowing week where his own son was almost kidnapped by a ruthless Mexican criminal gang and he plans on coming back home and filing a story about … lidar, which is like radar but with lasers! This is just like the time he spent months trapped in a cave after that same criminal gang tried to kill him and then dutifully wrote about how all the bats are dying or whatever, which at least has dead bats as a hook. Come on, Mark, you gotta give the people some razzle dazzle if you want to go viral!

Gil Thorp, 2/11/19

Good news! After finally confessing to Gil that he was only relentlessly quoting That ’70s Show at everyone because he had a serious mental illness, Mike Filion finally made a vague promise to go see a therapist or something … and is now unstoppable on the basketball court! Look out, Valley Conference: the Mudlarks have discovered the secret to high school athletic success, and it is emotional self-actualization. Tilden’s gonna have to pull in a whole team of Freudian analysts if they want to have any hope of getting through the playdowns!

Slylock Fox, 2/11/19

It probably doesn’t speak well of the post-animapocalypse legal system that Slylock, the chief investigator in this case, also appears to be the prosecuting attorney — or that he’s just turned the trial into a showcase for his fun riddles and trivia facts. Of course, since none of the criminals Slylock catches ever seem to serve much jail time, you can understand that the stakes are pretty low, which is made pretty clear by the fact that Shady is enjoying this whole scene as much as anyone. “Oh, the sun is a star!” he thinks to himself. “That is clever!”