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Judge Parker, 8/21/13

Hey, there’s this whole other plot going in Judge Parker that I had completely forgotten about, involving Neddy’s new friend’s husband maybe being kidnapped and held for ransom in Niger, or maybe it’s an elaborate grift to get money out of the Spencer-Driver coffers, who knows! I am very enamored with Abbey’s look of vague disgust in the final panel. “20,000 euro? That’s really all you can come up with? I’m pretty sure we’ve got more than that in our couch cushions. Ugh, dealing with poor people is so distasteful, I don’t know how you people live.”

Pluggers, 8/21/13

SERIOUSLY PLUGGERS YOU HAVE A LOT OF NON-DOG-MAN CHARACTERS YOU COULD’VE USED FOR THIS JOKE IT’S LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO CONFUSE US

Heathcliff, 8/21/13

Heathcliff’s neighbor is racist against hippos.

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Crankshaft, 8/20/13

Crankshaft’s crankiness secrets … revealed! It turns out that he isn’t just an implacable machine hard-wired for hate. He actually has to work at it. There’s a real danger that he might actually have a pleasant interaction with a child, and we can’t have that. Did it used to come more naturally to him? Is he going soft in his old age? The sort of chill up the spine normal people get when they forget why they walked into a room or can’t remember the name of a loved one — does Crankshaft experience that when he catches himself smiling in the mirror sometimes, or when he notices that he’s expressing a glimmer of affection for his family?

Family Circus, 8/20/13

Aww, isn’t this an adorable edition of Kids Say The Darndest Things About Death? “Congrats on being the grandfather who will die second, grandpa! Can I tug on your wrinkled, sagging face-flesh, which feels so different from my own young and supple skin? Whoa, you really yelp if I pinch it too hard! I guess you still have some felling left in it! Yep, you’re still our alive-grandpa! You know, for now.”

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Mark Trail, 8/19/13

Oh my goodness you guys, Rusty dreams of dinosaurs! (I sneer at your pedantic “pterosaurs aren’t technically dinosaurs” gripe, Rusty and Mark were talking about dinosaurs all week and you know we’re going to get some.) While this will provide lots of opportunities for awesome dinosaur drawings, it also provides Mark with an opportunity to abandon his hideous ward in the woods, as you’ll note that Rusty has just dozed off on the ground without Mark being anywhere nearby. Looks like that fishing trip was just a last hurrah, or, more likely, an excuse to take Rusty so far away from home that he’ll never find his way back!

Funky Winkerbean, 8/19/13

This is a pretty textbook example of how things go down in a Funky Winkerbean 3.0 strip. The dialogue could be construed as a little light-hearted joking, but the grim facial expressions show that in fact everything is meant to be taken in deadly earnest. “No, really, the football team is terrible, and there’s literally no chance of it getting any better. Certainly not with me in charge of it. I’m the worst!”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/19/13

Dang, Snuffy’s reputation precedes him … his reputation as a man who steals chickens so he can dismember and eat them. Ha ha, it’s funny that the chickens are afraid of Snuffy, because they don’t want to die!

Pluggers, 8/19/13

Pluggers just have to poop all the time.