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Click the banner to contribute to the Comics Curmudgeon. Details here.

It’s the Comics Curmudgeon 2019 Summer Fundraiser! Dig deep!

In these Dog Days of August, who doesn’t welcome the chance to show a little skin? It’s cool … and it’s hot!

Beetle Bailey, 8/20/19

Aside from the odd ear or tooth, Sarge and Cookie are the same — so pity Sarge. Every meal forces him to confront, as in a mirror, the shapeless wreck Army food has made of his body. He eats until the shame overwhelms him, then starves until his next cheating meal. The cookies Mrs. Bailey sends her son are his only joy, and those he must take by force. “It’s not hatred, Beetle,” he sobs mid-beating, “I’m just hungry!”

Dick Tracy, 8/20/19

Honestly, Dick, you’re a married man with two natural children; how is any of this a surprise to you? Who do you think you are, Mark Trail? Amos van Hoesen? Brad DeGroot? Sam Driver? Earl Houndstooth? Gunther Burger? Dr. Jeff Cory? Rex Morgan?

Judge Parker, 8/20/19

Not the best outfit for concealed carry there, April. Pretty sure 90% of guys are gonna be staring straight up that barrel.

Zits, 8/20/19

Jeremy, everybody knows you and Zumba got history Exactly what sort of sandwich did you have in mind?

— Uncle Lumpy

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Click the banner to contribute to the Comics Curmudgeon. Details here.

Faithful readers, it’s time for the Comics Curmudgeon 2019 Summer Fundraiser!

The Dog Days of August are great time to shower the Comics Curmudgeon with tokens of grateful gratitude — I mean, it’s too hot to do anything else, right? If this site brings joy to your life, consider supporting its work in whatever way works best for you:

• By credit card or PayPal — Click the banner at the top of the page, then follow the instructions on the secure PayPal site. You don’t need a PayPal account to use this option, just a major credit card.
• By mail — Email uncle.lumpy@comcast.net; I’ll reply with an address for your generous check, money order, or in-kind contribution.
• As a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter — Join the ranks of Comics Curmudgeon Supporters for just $3 per month, and enjoy an ad-free online and mobile experience, plus an enhanced comment editor. Full details are here.
• Through a Patreon sponsorship — If you’d prefer to support all of Josh’s artistic/comedic efforts on a recurring basis, visit his Patreon page for complete details of this option.

Full details, terms, and conditions are here.

The banners at the top of the page are selected automatically on a randomized basis. If you’d prefer to browse a directory rather than hit-or-miss by refreshing the page, you can find one here, along with hundreds of banners from past fundraisers.

And thank you, generous readers!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Crankshaft, 8/19/19

I get irritated when authors reward their fictional characters but I kinda understand it? I mean, if Rex Morgan punches your meal ticket for nigh on seventy years, why not slip the guy a free boat now and again?

But this crosses a line. Lillian is no towering literary lion like Judge Parker, earning endless sweetheart contracts for a string of unreadable books. She’s a second-string Funkiverse villain who ruined her sister Lucy’s life, then abandoned her to die in hospice care demented and alone. Here’s how to make it right: Lillian should take Eugene’s advice and write a memoir about Lucy, forcing her to confront her monstrous past and hurl herself in shame from her second-story bookstore window. Unfortunately, she’d probably just sprain her ankle, prompting knowing smirks all ’round.

Curtis, 8/19/19

Oh, look, it’s Curtis Learns a Valuable Lesson While Doing Summer Volunteer Work, a regular feature. This year’s Lesson will be delivered by Quincy Shearer, an unpleasant blind incontinent disabled alcoholic with toe fungus, two annoying corgis, and epic ear hair. Settle in for bitter invective against Kids These Days with their ridiculous allergies, TwitBooking on SnapFace, and expensive torn-up jeans. But enjoy your mockery now, because we’re all going to feel just terrible when Quincy’s Heart of Gold and/or Redeeming Backstory is revealed in a day or two.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/19/19

Speaking of Redeeming Backstories, here’s yet another Hallowed Elder with a Funny Name from the golden age of Pop Culture, and this one is a (dramatic music) woman! You know, Dale (neé Dalia) Messick broke into comics in the 1950’s with Brenda Starr. But I guess nobody wants to hear from some Depression-enduring, World-War-II winning, rock-and-roll-inventing has-been generation, at least not when there’s a pot-smoking, sex-having, self-indulging, Social-Security-bankrupting has-been generation in line right behind it.

Judge Parker, 8/19/19

Hey April, remember Saturday, when you threatened these two at gunpoint and demanded that they talk? Happy now?

— Uncle Lumpy