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Judge Parker, 9/9/19

Oh, man, remember when Judge Parker Senior confessed on TV that he did a crime, and then some other mean judge — probably because judges actively breaking the law is a sore spot for him for some reason, maybe because it makes all judges look bad or maybe he just doesn’t like a two-tier justice system for the rich and poor, who can say — put Judge Parker Senior in jail? Well, it looks like our gang is about to do another crime to get Judge Parker Senior out of jail, and it is extremely key that current Judge Randy Parker not know any of the details. Definitely everything he’s heard up to this point would lead him to believe that Sam’s plan is on the up and up! He won’t be going to jail, no sir!

Dustin, 9/9/19

Nice to see that Dustin is taking a day off from its usual shtick of slamming on millennials, or even its occasional shtick of slamming on baby boomers, to cover a subject we can all enjoy: TV commercials. You ever notice how many commercials are on TV, folks? Millennials don’t, because they use their parents logins to watch Netflix and HBO Go on their laptops in their rooms, but that’s neither here nor there.

Pluggers, 9/9/19

You’re a plugger if you need to hide coupons from your spouse because you know his love of terrible processed foods combined with his love of a bargain could literally kill him this week.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/8/19

Oh, hey everyone, looks like the New Age Scammer plot is over and done so we can move back to … Buck and Mindy, everyone’s (?) favorite (???) recurring Rex Morgan, M.D., ancillary characters! Buck’s come a long way from when we first met him, right after he got shot in the head with a nail gun by his wife/Rex’s ex-girlfriend, and now he’s with his new loving wife Mindy, who based on the evidence of this strip he appears to have successfully knocked up, but what if she’s not pregnant at all? What if she’s just had really bad indigestion for the past seven and a half months, and when June says “it’s time,” that means that she’s finally successfully pooped under a doctor’s supervision? I think that would be truly beautiful.

Hi and Lois, 9/8/19

I’m sorry, “I’ll never be as great as you, but I’ll bask in your glory, not live in your shadow” is some extremely supervillain origin story monologue shit. Trixie has just pledged to live, die, and possibly kill for her liege lord, the Sun, and we should all be worried.

Curtis, 9/8/19

Man, I know the webcomics community doesn’t have quite the same energy that it did in the ’00s, but … are people really doing webcomics about half-assedly cleaning your dishes now? Is that … is that a thing? Maybe I’m the one out of touch with the scene.

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Dennis the Menace, 9/7/19

“You know, a comic strip that stopped running eleven years ago! Which was way before I was born, since I’m supposed to be, like, what, six? Somehow this is an even more jarring misplaced cultural reference than the fact that I’m supposed to be into cowboys and shit.”

Blondie, 9/7/19

Hey guys, you heard about cell phones? You know, the ones the kids like to do texting on? Well, prepare to have your mind blown: they have little flashlights on them, which are useful! I know, right???

Beetle Bailey, 9/7/19

“It also killed all our commanding officers. We’re finally free!”