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Mark Trail, 6/10/19

This current Mark Trail plot is moving along at what I wouldn’t call … the fastest pace of all time. About a month ago Mark ran away from bees then a couple weeks after that the gang found Skull Mountain and that’s been about it! Up until this crazy flood, that is. You’d think a flash flood would definitely be a sign that the drama has officially been amped up, but the whole thing with the bees only lasted a couple of days, so I’m reserving my judgement. I do like how Leola’s word balloon ends in an interrobang, indicating that something truly surprising, more surprising than a flash flood, is happening just off panel! Maybe it’s Mark continuing to run away from her, leaving her to drown in the flood? Sorry, Leola, the fewer survivors there are in this expedition the fewer people there’ll be to split the gold!

Family Circus, 6/10/19

There are like a dozen little hints in virtually every Family Circus panel that they represent repurposed art, or at least repurposed jokes, from an earlier era, an era when parents felt that children needed to be able to explore and test their limits unsupervised by grown-ups even at a very young age, and if that meant that some of them didn’t survive to adulthood, well, that’s why you start off having four of them, you know? I particularly appreciate how shiny the countertop is, teasing us that Dolly’s slippered feet are going to lose their purchase at any moment.

Beetle Bailey, 6/10/19

I feel like having Beetle surrounded by sand, in a loose pile and in a bag and in a wheelbarrow, wasn’t strictly necessary to make this joke work? In fact, since the joke is a metaphor, it’s actually actively distracting. If you’re gonna do it, why not go all the way with it? Why not have Lt. Fuzz be dousing himself with oil while grinning maniacally and extolling the efficiency of our armed services? It would make Sarge’s world-weary expression all the more appropriate.

Mary Worth, 6/10/19

Folks, if Wilbur and Estelle are currently at Delicious Grill chowing down on some sandwiches and making romantic eyes at each other, I am going to 100% lose my shit

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 6/9/19

Slylock, you fool! Count Weirdly has deliberately planted the false “sunbathing” factoid because he knows your mind will immediately latch onto it and you’ll reveal his new invention as a “fake,” lulling the Animal Kingdom into a false sense of complacency. As soon as the disappointed press leaves, he’ll start using the fully functional teleportation device for its real purpose: transporting clothed and armed soldiers from Australia, the last continent on Earth where humans still dominate. At last, H. sapiens will have its revenge!

Dennis the Menace, 6/9/19

Today’s Dennis the Menace is here to let us know, as if we couldn’t have guessed, that the Wilsons’ sex life isn’t that great.

Blondie, 6/9/19

I’m not going to engage much with this strip except to point out that a dog wedding with a cake shaped like a fire hydrant is the equivalent of a human wedding with a cake shaped like a toilet. Can you imagine a wedding cake shaped like a toilet? I can. In fact, I think I’ll be intrusively imagining it for a long time to come. Thanks for nothing, Blondie.

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Crankshaft, 6/8/19

So it turns out the big announcement Max and his girlfriend were teasing on Tuesday is that they were planning on incorporating their movie theater business. A smarter thing to do would probably be to register as an arts nonprofit, but never mind that for the moment, because they’re also going to have a baby, which makes the whole “we’ve got a big announcement!” switcharoo particularly weird and mean. Why not tell Pam something that’d make her happy? I dunno, probably because it’s the Funkyverse where nobody’s happy and nobody deserves to be happy!

Judge Parker, 6/8/19

OH SNAP

IT’S JUDGE-ON-JUDGE CRIME

YOU THOUGHT THERE WAS HONOR AMONG JUDGES? NOT WITH THIS JUDGE, BUDDY

Actually, I wonder which judge just put Judge Parker Emeritus behind bars? Please be Randy please be Randy please be Randy