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Daddy Daze, 11/6/20

Daddy Daze launched in June of 2018, with a mission to bring home to readers “all the weirdness that comes with parenting, dealing with small versions of themselves who are inquisitive and sweet, and bewildering all at the same time.” But over the last two years, it’s gotten pretty much all the mileage it can out of that material, and now … now it’s diaper time. Watch out, Marvin, there’s a marginally more sophisticated purveyor of piss jokes in town.

Dustin, 11/6/20

A fun thing about being married to someone for a long time is that you become extremely well attuned to all their annoying little habits, to the point that you can call your spouse out on them before they even do them — a move that they almost certainly consider to be one of your annoying little habits.

Mary Worth, 11/6/20

Damn it, Tommy, Mary likes the excitement, the uncertainty, the chase that comes at the beginning of a new meddle. If you basically just throw yourself at her feet and sob “I suck, fix me,” you’re really going to cut into her enthusiasm for the whole process.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/6/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because Snuffy doesn’t know what “stress” means!

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/25/20

OK, so, just to make sure we have the sequence clear, these ICE dudes arrested Adeela (who, just to emphasize, is in the United States legally) due to a bureaucratic fuckup (one that didn’t make a ton of narrative sense, but still), fast-tracked her for near-immediate deportation, resisted any attempt by her lawyer to make them re-examine the dodgy evidence that led them to their decision, and released her not because they realized they were wrong or because they reassessed their obviously broken internal processes, but because of political intervention at the highest levels. But anyway, they’re returning the Montoni’s bag, so they’re good now! No hard feelings, right? [Backslapping and laughter all around]

Daddy Daze, 10/25/20

Wow, the Daddy Daze daddy’s goth friend sure is getting extra goth today, isn’t he, moaning about how parenting makes time stretch on infinitely, such that we’re all either rapidly aging or cursed with eternal life or maybe both. Anyway, it absolutely makes sense that the Daddy Daze daddy has chosen to sit several seats away from him.

Blondie, 10/25/20

Not to brag or anything, but if I wanted to spend an evening out with a pal and possibly get home long after my wife went to sleep, I would just tell her that’s what I had planned, and if that made her uncomfortable in some way, we’d have an open and honest discussion about it. Maybe that’s weird, maybe the rest of you are all promising your spouses you’ll be home by 1 am and coming home at 3 am and getting in trouble for it, I dunno, but you know what’s a hell of a lot weirder? Dagwood thinking that only wearing his undershirt makes him quieter, somehow.

Baby Blues, 10/25/20

It’s also never occurred to me to casually ask my wife “Hey, babe, you ever fuck Spider-Man?” so maybe I just need to admit that everyone’s marriage is unique and none of us have any real idea what anybody else is doing.

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Daddy Daze, 10/16/20

There’s a lot of mysteries about the Daddy Daze daddy and the Daddy Daze baby that keep all of us up at night– does the daddy have a job? Does the baby actually “say” or think the things that the daddy attributes to him, or is he a normal baby and the daddy is merely insane? — but you know who we don’t think a lot about? The Daddy Daze mommy. The backstory as descried by the syndicate is that the daddy is a “single dad who amicably shares custody of little Angus with ex-wife Amy.” But like … the baby is very little, right? Like less-than-a-year-old little, right? They’re divorced and their baby is less than a year old? That seems like a real mess! How amicable can it be, man? Anyway, my point is that “somehow got stuck on a see-saw” is not really a reason you want to have to call your ex, I don’t care how amicable it was when you broke up when she was pregnant.

The Phantom, 10/16/20

Ahh, now that Kadia has rejected her terrorism-tainted mother, the next step in the great Walker master plan is taking shape: bring back their teen son from Tibet and get them married! You don’t maintain a 22-generation superhero bloodline without a little strategic breeding, Kadia seems very imprinted on the Walkers, and Kit’s been in a monastery all this time and is probably pretty horny.