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Family Circus, 10/1/17

Welp, it’s time for Billy to take over the strip again, and let’s see what he’s got to tell us! Animals and children are just climbing all over the furniture to get food, the baby’s crying inconsolably on the floor while Mommy ignores him and blathers on the phone, Dad’s out trying to fuck the blonde neighbor, and Dolly has managed to wander over to someone else’s house entirely, cheerfully talking about her family’s financial and medical situation in return for a little attention. I’m assuming this cartoon is being mailed directly to Child Protective Services.

Judge Parker, 10/1/17

“But … Sam! I’m horny now!”

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Hi and Lois, 9/29/17

I actually find the art in today’s second Hi and Lois panel perfect and exquisite. What could be a harsher contrast to the noble, silent, straight-trunked tree that’s been growing industriously in the yard for the past 16 years? Why, the average American teen: hunched over, shirt slovenly and wrinkled, hat turned to the side for no earthly reason, a long line of slobber dribbling down from his slack-jawed face as he gulps milk right from the carton in front of the fridge. It makes one question where we went wrong as a people, and also makes one look back approximately 1.6 billion years, when the plant and animal lineages diverged, to find the answer.

Blondie, 9/29/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because Blondie has a demanding full-time job, and yet is also expected to perform all the traditionally feminine domestic and emotional labor required to maintain a household!

Judge Parker, 9/29/17

CHANGE DOT ORG PETITION FOR JUDGE PARKER TO FOCUS ENTIRELY ON APRIL AND HER ANTI-CIA WOMEN’S PRISON GANG FROM HERE ON IN

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Dick Tracy, 9/27/17

Hey, remember the Space Coupe? It was a charmingly retro spacecraft invented by Diet Smith that allowed Dick Tracy and his pals to travel to the moon, leading to the act of cross-species sex that brought adorable li’l Honeymoon Tracy into existence! Honeymoon was actually born within this space-travelling cylinder, so she has a unique right to wear that t-shirt, I suppose, though I can’t help but think about people who died horribly in it not that long ago!

Gasoline Alley, 9/27/17

Speaking of dying horribly, looks like Rufus is about to be involved in a fatal officer-involved shooting on the streets of Neo-Chicago! Presumably it will be easy to spin his impenetrable fake rustic dialect as resisting arrest in some way.

Judge Parker, 9/27/17

Oh my God, did a member of the Parker-Driver clan experience a consequence of some kind??? And it was for something she barely even did! (She and her arms dealer dad might’ve done a few light murders in the course of extracting herself from a CIA rogue op she probably should’ve noticed she had accidentally become a part of.) Anyway, three years in the clink in Parkerverse time will be the equivalent of … maybe 40, 50 years in real time? Enjoy reading the joyous strips featuring April’s release on your holo-pads in space, everybody!

Spider-Man, 9/27/17

Uhhhhh, Peter, she’s … already a widow? Uncle Ben? “With great power comes great responsibility?” Is any of this ringing a bell, Peter