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Archive: Lockhorns

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From the suburbs to the sea

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Panel from The Lockhorns, 7/3/22

This one gets even better when you think about the backstory. Presumably the lifeguard jumped down out of his chair and dashed off into the surf to save someone struggling out in the water. The rest of the beachgoers watch the drama, praying for a safe ending and admiring the lifeguard’s prowess. Leroy, meanwhile, sees an opportunity to do a bit. “She’s gonna hate this,” he thinks, chuckling to himself.

Dennis the Menace, 7/3/22

Alice’s look of genuine surprise in the next to last panel really makes this one for me. “Wait a minute … the stringbean arms … the scrawny legs … did I marry a nerd? Oh, no, I married a real dweebus! I can’t believe it!”

Dustin, 7/3/22

I can’t believe I’m about to type the following phrase, but I really respect today’s Dustin. A lesser strip would’ve made the kid character the butt of the joke and had him dumbfounded by metaphors, whereas instead we have him slowly realizing that everyone in this family is a jackass, not just Dustin.

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You never want to miss a spit take

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The Lockhorns, 6/20/22

A fun thing to do with the comics (for certain limited definitions of “fun,” but those limited definitions are pretty important for a self-proclaimed curmudgeon of the comics genre, so here we are) is to try to work backwards from the scenario we see in any given panel to see how contrived the implied setup truly is. Like, at a fundamental level, why are the character where they are, other than “it’s necessary for this joke”? Today I’m particularly curious about why Loretta is hanging out in the (surprisingly spacious, considering her constant harping on Leroy’s low salary) bathroom with Leroy while he incorrectly takes his medicine, but standing with her back to him. The answer, I guess, is that she knew he would screw up this basic task of self-care and wanted to be there to enjoy that when it happened, but was idly looking at the toilet (?) until the proper moment, for plausible deniability. Normal people wouldn’t follow their spouses into the bathroom, of course, but I think we’ve long established that neither Leroy nor Loretta are normal, so I’ll let it side.

Pluggers, 6/20/22

Today’s Pluggers is great because it could plausibly be about how pluggers are continually baffled and agitated by virtually all developments in society since 1978, or about the fact that they are increasingly deaf. But, really, do we even have to choose? “Pluggers don’t want to hear you telling them about modernity and fortunately they can’t” is a perfect Pluggers caption, to me.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/20/22

“And if those superheroes kidnapped people at gunpoint, took them back to their filthy hovel, and got quack doctors to do experimental brain surgery on them, probably with whatever power tools were available? Truly that would be a utopia!”

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Two nices and a nasty

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Family Circus, 5/22/22

There’s “I increasingly find Pluggers relatable” old and then there’s “I unironically find the Family Circus funny” old, but I have to say, I unironically find today’s Family Circus funny. The punchline is good, of course, but I also enjoy how sad Billy looks. You’ve ruined his day, Big Daddy Keane! I was going to say that it’s OK for me to enjoy this Family Circus because of how mean it is, but maybe that’s why all the old people have always liked it. All those kindly grandmas cutting out the panels and hanging them on their fridge thinking, “That’s right, Billy, you’re an ignorant little shit, just like my daughter’s eldest.”

The Lockhorns, 5/22/22

I have, of course, been on Team Enjoying The Lockhorns Unironically since my youth, and I deeply respect that rather than phoning in Sundays with a single giant panel the creators instead deliver five separate individual weekday-equivalent panels, each with its own gag. This collection, like most Sunday groups, consists mostly of bangers: top right and lower left are the weakest but even these are passable wordplay; top left shows an actual awareness of how a newfangled social media thing works; middle is a moodily drawn glimpse into a sadly disordered mind; and bottom right is a great visual gag. At least there’s some consistency in this crazy, topsy turvy world, and it’s how much Leroy and Loretta hate each other.

Gasoline Alley, 5/22/22

Oh, has that all been too much sweetness and light for you? Fine: I will never say a kind word about Gasoline Alley. Never, do you hear me? Today’s strip features two senile old men talking nonsense to each other and neither of them can remember whether they’ve said it or heard it before, and is thus a perfect metaphor for the experience of reading the comic strip Gasoline Alley.