The Comics Curmudgeon

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Is Les finally beginning to hate himself as much as we hate him?

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Mary Worth, 6/1/20

Finally, our long national nightmare is over! No, not that nightmare. Not the other one either. No, I’m talking about the interminable Dawn love story plot, which has finally wrapped up (for now [ominous music sting]) so we can move on to something important, like … a Toby plot? Sure. Absolutely. I will accept a Toby plot, fine. She’s going to fail at something, right? Baking, this time? I will definitely accept a Toby plot where she fails at baking.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/1/20

Newspaper comics are a weird medium — at once ephemeral but also in many ways demanding years of accumulated reading to truly understand the characters. For instance, you know and I know that Les is supposed to be the sympathetic protagonist of this strip, but … how would you expect anyone else to know? How is this not the beginning of a story where the wife murders her husband and all the readers at home root for her to get away with it?

Blondie, 6/1/20

Ha ha, that sure is a topical joke! I guess you two have given up on trying to not to give coronavirus to each other, though, huh? Just breathing droplets onto each other’s faces and whatnot. Anyway, is someone going to explain why the bird is wearing fuckin sunglasses or what.

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Look, he’s bleeding badly, lolllllz

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Funky Winkerbean, 5/31/20

It would take too long for me to explain in detail and it would be boring if I bothered to try, but this week’s Funky Winkerbean began with Mopey Pete learning about the existence of Hoagy Carmichael and then going through a series of free associations that passed through this before producing the inspiration for a new Atomic Komix title. Most I’m posting this because I think it would be very, very funny if Pete did in fact credit Hoagy Carmichael, and then Hoagy Carmichael’s estate sued Atomic Komix into bankruptcy.

Shoe, 5/31/20

“I mean, I guess you could say he’s a coworker … I’m a bird, he’s a dog, we’re both cops, there’s no real hierarchy there. ‘Pet’ is more of a sex thing, really (we’re also lovers).”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/31/20

It’s funny because Snuffy and Loweezy are very poor and seeking even basic medical care is ruinous to them financially! Ha … ha?

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“Because it’s a payment, you see. That’s where the ‘money’ part comes in. Do you want to stay married now? You do, right?”

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Dick Tracy, 5/30/20

[I take an extremely deep breath so that I can wrap up the current boring-ass storyline in one run-on sentence] So Shaky got arrested but then later got bailed out by this woman who’s going to be playing Breathless Mahoney in a movie and I guess is a relative of the real Breathless Mahoney, who was lovers with the original Shaky, and even though Shaky has a perfectly nice girlfriend, I guess he and Breathless Jr. here are gonna do it? It hasn’t been an “interesting” journey to this point by any means, but when a woman in the newspaper comics asks one of Dick Tracy’s freakish villains “So, you’re basically a human vibrator, right?” I feel honor-bound to report it to you.

Beetle Bailey, 5/30/20

Man, I’m so steamed over Beetle calling Killer his “buddy” — I can’t cite any specific strips or anything but my strong impression is that they tolerate one another but have no real strong feelings about each other either for good or ill — that I can’t even focus on the fact that Sarge has started pitting the men under his command against one another in sport combat, for his amusement.

Shoe, 5/30/20

I don’t … think that would work? I’m really pretty sure that wouldn’t work.